Work in Progress...
08/17/2008 04:19 a.m.
I'm starting to realize that I have alot to work on. Alot.

I need to stop pouring all my time into other people. Stay home once and awhile. Read a book. Listen to a good record. Spend time with myself. Get reacquainted with my own mind. I forget how nice that is.

I need to be a better daughter. Make time for my mother, regardless of how dysfunctional/unhealthy we may be. Maybe that's why it's so twisted. Because I haven't made the time to repair our relationship. I try and I get frustrated and I walk away. And I need to work on that, in particular.

You see, in some aspects, I'm a trooper. Relationships, Friendships, Jobs. I'll see it through until the very end. But when it comes to things like school or family I throw in the hat way too early.

I need to not get entangled in seemingly delicious romantic affairs. I've got all I need right now. I have company, companionship, sex. No ties, no nothing. It's the bare essentials to get me by and I am sincerely happy in that. I need to spend more time getting to know myself before I can let myself get lost in someone else.


I need a second job, or I need to go to school. I can't do both at the same time, but one of them needs to happen soon. I'm so torn in this, because I can barely pay my bills as of late. But I'm really feeling as though school could be such a great adventure for me right now. Just take a couple of classes when my schedule allows. Meet some new friends. Learn some things about the world. Something.



Iwanttorunmindlesslythroughthepinesofsomeunchartedforestinayellowsundress, the suns rays dancing along my shoulders. Play tag with the wind and rustle up the leaves with my feet.




I'm coming to grips with the fact that it's never fair. And it never really makes sense. At least not right yet. And it shouldn't yet.

"Sunday Comics. When I was a little kid, I use to put my face right up to them, you know, um, and I was just amazed because it was just this mass of dots, I think life is like that sometimes. But I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this... it makes sense. It's not just dots. And instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and it's funny and it's good. From this close we, we can't expect it to make sense, right now." --Latter Days






I am listening to Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire