If I had a shell
06/17/2008 10:05 p.m.

If I had a shell (other than this huge body of mine) I would crawl inside and wait for the snow again. I love the snow. The heat always sucks the energy right out of me.

Plus I'm feeling unjustifiably yucky - sad and lethargic and depressed. No peace. Sense of loss. No appetite (which I would actually NOT argue with if it meant I could take off some more of this excess weight). The symptoms are easy enough to identify - it's the cause that eludes me.

I just can't seem to relax and go with the flow in my life. It is, of course, an inside job. I just don't know how to address it. If I had insurance, or $$$, I would see someone. I just can't seem to shake it. I could list all the reasons I could think of, and some of them would sound valid. The truth is, I wonder if there is a "real" root at all. I have experienced peace in my life before despite outward circumstances, and so it seems logical to me that to NOT experience peace could have little to do with anything concrete.

*taking a deep breath* I'm going to go nap now. It's one of the least destructive of all the escapes. Maybe I'll dream something relevant.


I am currently Tired
I am listening to my eyes close