safe havens.
06/06/2008 05:32 p.m.
I think I've put my finger on what my writing phobia is lately. Besides the overwhelming feeling of trying to get it out and the prefection, it's the place I write. It used to be a safe harbor. See, as "writer's" we all have our own little way of writing. Some of us have rituals if you will. Some write on napkins or notebooks or on their computer or anything hands can be gotten on too. I write in a book. I spend hefty money at Border's for beautiful handbound notebooks to put my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings in. For me to try and make sense of the chaos that surrounds me. My writing is very personal to me. I don't let people I know in "real life" read my writing. I don't want the questions and I don't want to have to defend my feelings and thoughts, most importantly, myself. I do leave my books around the house. Everyone knows what they are for and what's in them. They also know that I will fight tooth and nail if they were ever picked up and opened by anyone other than me. Most people pick up my book as a joke only to see the devil come out of me and realize that it's not funny to me.

And not to stray off the subject but for the longest time I was "allowed" to write. My ex didn't understand writing and why I needed to do it. I should be able to tell him everything. He never got it...and he never will.

Now, back on track...

Upon this break-up, I feel the cause of it was wandering eyes who read something they shouldn't have in the wee hours of the early morning. It doesn't matter what was written in the book or who it was directed at. We as writer's write outside of our lives sometimes, or often. Just because we write something doesn't mean that it has to pertain to us. I don't need to explain myself to you people here, you all understand. What matters is my safe haven was violated and now I'm afraid to put anything down in the book or any book for that matter for fear of suspicious eyes. There will always be that fear of who's going to get a hold of it and hold it for ransom.

I've got to get my niche back. Help.
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to fix you - coldplay