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The Journal of Matthew Sharp life.... just this once
05/21/2008 12:07 a.m.
i usually dont write so personally pertaining to my life and whats going on in it, but it's about time i do.
that way nobody can say that i didnt tell them anything or that there was no warning.
i kind of recently moved to alabama and a few months ago i moved in a big house with dave&emily and adam&crystal because they couldnt afford it on their own.
Anybody that knows me knows that i am a good person and i give and give as much as i can without taking.
i give to the people in my house as much as i can, and it came to my attention about a month ago that somebody is going into my room and going through my things almost everytime i leave.
i am not a paranoid person like someone that doesnt know me at all tried to convince my nephew and a couple of friends that i am.
the fact is, is that as soon as i noticed things out of place in my room, i started putting a string in my door to make sure that it was true.
that string was gone everyday.
everyday, for a couple weeks.
so i put little strings on my drawers as well, and they too where gone almost everyday.
i occasionally smoke a little bit on the weekends, and eventually that was taken from off the top of my dresser.
i didnt know what to do because i didnt want to start accusing people because im just too nice of a person to do that.
so i put my mp3 player on record in my drawer the other day and came back home to listen to it and i heard my door open as well as my drawers and if this person wouldnt have coughed a little then i wouldnt have known.
im not going to say who it is, im just saying that i know.
there is nothin that i can do to fix this blatant disrespect towards me.
but there is a clepto in the house and a liar.
things are not going that well here in alabama, i have one good friend who is one of the best most honorable people i have ever met in my life.
im not exactly in a hurry to be back in milwaukee.
but i am going to leave, im not sure how or where but im not going to tell anybody because there is nobody to tell.
im so different than the people around here, i dont watch t.v. (which my roomates still expect me to give them money for)
there is nothing that i like to do but go to wilderness park and smile in the rain whistling down the chutes in the bamboo forest.
i have the occasional 3some with mandy and patricia, and sometimes kim.
whom are very good people but i refuse to cramp their little rich tennis playing lifestyles.
i love a girl who lives in another state who only loves me back when her self-esteem needs a boost, no matter how sad it leaves me when she's done with me again.
the only time i feel comfortable at all anymore is when i believe something better is about to happen,just to watch it fade before any action is taken.
i feel betrayed, i feel duped, laughed at and my heart is in a million pieces.
i dont want to accociate myself with another self-biased ego again.
people tell other people all about me as if they knew and so when they meet me they have a predetermined notion of what im after and who i am and all that does is destroy any chance of ever getting anywhere emotionally, respectfully or honorably.
im categorized with no label, and betrayed by the self-righteousness of the kind of people that cant admit when they are wrong.
so, if there is anyone out there left that cares at all.
thats kind of where im at.
so be it.......
good luck to us all,
matthew
I am currently Helpless
| Member Comments on this Entry |
| Posted by Ava Blu on 05/21/08 at 12:35 PM this makes me sad. |
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| Posted by Ava Blu on 05/21/08 at 11:13 PM at least you're having sex... |
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| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 05/25/08 at 09:56 AM I don't want this to sound trite, because your feelings are so intense and amazing and sad and yet I always sense a strength and purpose about you - it will get better, Matt. Things will even out, and you'll find your niche, that place in life made just for you. Well, I think you already know that I see it as a puzzle, one you hold half of, the other half is out there - and when you find it, you'll just KNOW it, cuz it'll feel right.
Anyway, please know that I think of you often, and an always sending my best energy your way. |
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