Self Indulgence vs. authenticity
04/22/2008 03:50 p.m.

My last journal entry - it feels like SO much self indulgence! But one of the committments I've made to myself in the last year is to allow myself to feel, to be, and simply try to observe it in the most objective/non-judgmental way that I can manage; to be authentically myself, even if doing so displeases myself or others.

Truth, redemption, self-forgiveness, tolerance, eagerness...I suppose it's the stuff all lives are made of. Besides, I never professed to actually BE good at life. I just meant to set it as a goal, and I suppose, in my lame little ways, I'm still trying. Though, honestly, it so discourages me that I'm at least half way through it, and further away from "being good at it" than I ever was.

What if it is, all, just so much illusion? Would it change the way I feel about living, cause me to be less attached to the outcome of these relationships, these activities that comprise a life? I'm so pitifully attached!

I'm SO attached to who I love, who loves me back, how I spend my days, what events fill my awareness (including those events I hear on the news or witness outside of my own life). Ack. Gives me a hairball!


I am currently Odd
I am listening to Meme stirring....gotta go make her breakfast.