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The Journal of A. Paige White sigh
02/23/2008 03:46 p.m.
The wake wasn't too bad. Jarrod went on earlier than the rest of us (took us all a while to get ready) Cause Nathan called and wanted him to come on. I thank God for his providential hand of grace. Jarrod was getting ready to get in the shower when I got home and hollered through the door for me to find him a black t-shirt. I guess he was going to try for the Miami Vice suit look, lol. He's showering and as I'm looking, what treasure do I find... but one of the black Tshirts that came with a movie that Angie gave me when I was working with her at the video store. So perfect. Megan called just then almost home and I drug my feet hoping she'd be witness to his reaction when I handed it in the door. Finished with his shower he hollered for a shirt again and Megan walked in the front door. I motioned to her, come here. I handed it in and did the universal shush sign to Megan, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Took him a minute, he must not have looked at it, just put it on and saw it in the mirror. Suddenly 6 foot 2, size 14 shoe, "Miss Congeniality" bellowed, "What the!", "Mama!What is this!
It was everything I had hoped for. And ultimately followed up with a, "We may just have a double service tonight, burying two Mama's for the price of ONE!" I laughed til I cried. I needed it so bad. Seeing Alex, just being Alex, always standing to the side, like he's not sure he fits in, so shy, even when we were all huddled and him standing off a little, like he's always done just pulls my heart strings. I grabbed his arm and pulled him in, telling him get over here with us and let us love on you. I made sure he knows he's always welcome, day or night and that we've really missed him. I feel like I should go to the funeral, but, I just don't know if i will. Got to make a decision soon and get ready if I am. I just didn't know her well, Jarrod's friendship with Alex was our point of contact and they've drifted apart the last year or so... well, since they got in trouble with the law together with Joel. I sent a roast with rice and gravy by Megan and David yesterday (ONe of the first things Alex said was, that roast, it was GOOD!), I made sure Alex knows he is welcome here anytime and that was my main concern. I would feel like an intruder on their grief to do more than that. And in all honesty, the last funeral I attended was Angie's husband David (the one who fixed me up on a blind date with Ronnie when I was sixteen, married him and had Megan and Jarrod with), coincidentally 42 years old, massive heart attack and son there alone with him trying to perform cpr til that ambulance got there. It was awful. Just awful. I was close to them all and it is the reason I HATE funerals now. Even daddy's and Marlon's wasn't that bad. Didn't get to go to Friede's, didn't even know she had died because she died right after Katrina hit and the phones and power were still out. Jarrod just told me Alex said he didn't think he was going to the funeral. I wonder if Tony will make him. Said he just wants to be alone. So, it's looking like we won't be going to the funeral. Kind of relieved. We all went to the Huddle house after the wake. Amazing how it makes you appreciate your loved ones so much when you've just looked into the coffin of sudden, unexpected death. I am going to take this opportunity to talk to my kids about it.
I am currently Reflective
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