Invisible
02/10/2008 10:05 p.m.
Everyone tells me that the hard times in life are what make the rest of it so much sweeter. So we've all overcome some obstacles, does that make your life awesome? Mine sure isn't. I've been through so much in my life that I could write a novel about it, and it would always have to remain unfinished...because every day more and more things occur. I'm tired of feeling unimportant, In short, I'm sick of being invisible. It doesn't matter where my body is physically located in the world, my mind is always elsewhere, off wandering. This week it wandered down a dark path, and I can't seem to get it back. I thought I knew a person, I thought that the words that he said to me were the most honest words I'd ever heard. Yet, here I sit second guessing everything. Every word, every look, every handhold, and wondering if it meant anything to that person at all. I gave my heart, my soul, and my entire life to this person, and I still feel like I'm not good enough. How does that hardship make anything better? How does it improve my life anywhere else? I'm not saying its not honest or even bad advice, I'm just saying I can't see the good. I've spent so many years struggling to do what I thought was best, and never once did I ask for a fairy tale ending. I just wanted to love someone who loved me in return. How difficult could that be? Am I that unlovable? Is there something wrong with me? What is the problem here? I give and I give and I give all that I have and all that I am, and I still end up stuck in the deepest corner of the darkest dream, where I'm always just going to be invisible. I just want to be loved for who I am, but do you know why thats a problem? I'm the most fucked up person, and people don't realize it until they get to know me. I've got enough issues to last the usual person a lifetime. Between my mental disease, my twisted spine which I can only imagine is a manifestation of how I'm feeling, and my temper, theres not much to be admired in me. People can talk all they want, you can say whatever you want, but no one will hurt me more than I hurt myself, although, this boy is coming close. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. How am I supposed to figure out what to do? Seriously, I'm just another fly on the wall.

...don't mind me.
I am currently Bummed
I am listening to Skillet