Poetry
01/25/2008 06:54 a.m.
So...pretty much every poem I've ever written, good OR bad is now going to be here for you to read. Most of them are EONS old, but some are new. I don't know, I found them in my old xanga, and thought, what the hay...

*Little Pieces Of My Soul*

This is just my old stuff I'm copying from my other myspace before I delete it. [This is taking FOREVER by the way so dont dismiss these so easily. They mean a lot.] The rest of the blogs aren't important, these....these are pieces of my soul.

********************************************************

Honesty

The ring I put on his finger read
I'll love you forever
And that is a statement
That will never change...

His eyes were honey
And often glazed
With thoughts of the reality
He chose not to accept...

His smile was cooked
As was his frown
But those three words he spoke to me
Turned my world upside down...

His hair was too shaggy
His pants, too tight
If only I'd realized that the differences
Meant nothing, that night...

His hands were big strong ones
With such a gentle touch
I never imagined I could feel
Loved quite so much...

His eyes full of love
And anticipation
Of the things that were to come
And he waited with patience...

The shirt that he wore
Read to live on your feet
I bought that for him
And live on his feet he did...

The ring on his finger
Matches the ring on mine
And it still unknowingly
Bonds us in time...

Back to the memory
Of the day that we thought
Of how much joy it brought us
Showing the matching rings we just got...

Then my beautiful imperfections
Took me away
And I told him I was leaving him
But I'd be back someday...

The eyes filled with honey color
Suddenly fell to black
And he told me "If you leave now,"
"Don't bother coming back..."

So run away I did,
from his honey eyes,
and broken spirit...

I ran as fast as I could
So I didnt have to be near it.

Little did I know:


Those entrancing honey eyes
Followed by that crooked smile
An his horrible taste in fashion
Made him worth the while...

Without his crazy imperfections
And his little quirks
I guess that I probably would have never been so lucky
As to get him to fall
....In love with me

********************************************************

MY DIAGNOSIS

Take one prozack a day

Was all the doctor had to say

The rest of my life

Was no longer mine

The pills consumed me

They left me emotionless

Much like you, I'm numb

My body is drained

Alongside my heart, my mind

What the fuck is wrong with me?

What will it take

To make you see

That I'm not crazy

I'm just alone

Afraid

And Unsure

Where is my guiding light!?

Where is my miracle!?

Tell me there's something better

There has to be...

I don't want to be like you

I don't want to be like everyone else

Why can't I just be myself

Fuck your diagnosis

Fuck your stupid pills

I'll reject them

The same way I refuse you

And you can hate me all you want

But I know

I Don't need anything

Not the pills

Not the emotions

And not you!

*********************************************************

CHEERS

This is for everything you tore apart
And every time you broke my heart
For every girl you've ever seen
And for every hand you held
That didn't belong to me...
For every lie you ever told
And everytime I believed
For all the times you said you'd go
But instead you'd never leave
For every rumor that you've spread
Since I left you alone
And for every girl you've ever been brave enough
To bring home
For every scar on my body
That was ever caused by you
For the memory of every bruise
Faded, black, and blue.
For every time you watched me cry
And you just sat and stared
For every time you promised your love to me
And yet it was never there
Here's to every emotional scar I have
And the years I wasted on you
Here are the photos of me in my wedding dress
I hope you burn these too
Heres to the memory of you as my friend
Whatever happened to you
Here's to the times we sat around and laughed
And even to the times we cried
Here's to the nights I told you the truth
Here's to the nights you lied
Here's to the days you carried my books
Here's to the nights we got funny looks
For all the loving we were showing each other
And here's to your life, with someone other...
Someone other than me, I hope you can see
That this toast is the end of everything.
There will be no more laughter
There will be no more tears
There will be no small children
Down the road in five years
There will be no long journey
Down the aisle of wedded bliss
There will be no I love you's
And no Goodnight kiss...
There will be no stories
For our childrens children as planned
There will be nothing left
Of the relationship we had
There will be no long stories
Of our days in study hall
And no photos of memories
In our home on the wall
There will never be the things
You wished for there to be
Because there is no more you
Loving me
And Here's to your new girlfriend
Whose wearing my clothes
And Here's to my heart
Because only she knows...
Why I don't love you anymore.
I think I finally know for sure....
So Here's to the nights
We fell deep in love
And heres to the years
We struggled to keep up
And Here's to the day
We finally said goodbye
And here's the toast
That ended it all...
No more wondering why.
*********************************************************

*Love Is*

Love is everything and nothing
All wrapped into one emotion.

Love is everything you fear
But could never live without.

Love is sacrificing all you are in order to satisfy someone else
Only to end up in misery

Love is knowing
Misery loves company

Love is never wanting to let go
But always needing your 'space'

Love is lying in each others arms at night
Until you decide you're feeling suffocated and leave.

Love is looking deep into each others eyes
Until you become numb to it.

Love is the hugs and kisses
Until you can't even stand to look at each other.

Love is happiness and excitement
Until it all fades away.

When you think you want it
Love is everything....

When you don't feel it anymore
Love is nothing...

There are no choices in love
Love itself IS the choice...

Love is
Something you must FEEL in your soul

Love is everything...
Love is nothing...
And when you think about it long enough
Love...
Is hate

********************************************************

Destruction

You once loved me

Not just for everything I wasnt

But for everything

I was

My loved for you poured

Like the rain bursting from the August sky

So many years of wasted bliss

And ignorance

We kept thinking life

Could never intervene

And nothing would ever come

In between

You and I, with our love so

Seemingly flawless

Never knowing how lost

Each of us really were

You helped me through the roughest times

You wiped away each tear I cried

And now those days are gone

Theyve passed us by

Leaving me with no more tears

To cry

With each new day I awaken

My first morning breath is spent

Just thinking of you

And me, and what can never be.

Its funny

They say, You dont really know what youve got

Til its gone.

But I had you

And slowly I began losing grasp

It was a feeling I had hoped would eventually

Surpass

Now youre gone

Im moving on

Theres a new chapter it seems

Inside the story of me

I cant help but regret

Leaving everything I could never forget

Behind in our past

We could have made it last

We could have forgiven

Forgiven ourselves enough

To let love in again

I wish Id never given you up

My dearest friend

But now as it seems

Youre happier without me

Thats all Ive ever wanted for you

Smile and move on with your life

Dont ever think back

Dont look to the past

Or think of the maybes

Or the nights spent crying

Over anything

Hold your head high

As our entangled hearts say goodbye

And mourn over the love

*We destroyed*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

(not a poem, not an anything, just thoughts)

I've been depressed again

Lonely when I shouldn't be

Feeling like the entire world is resting on my shoulders

I can't get this weight off my chest

I dont know what I'm feeling

Thinking

Saying

Or even doing

Maybe I should just give up and runaway?

I'm trying to be strong

The numbness is eating away at my body

I'm feeling anxious now.

The pain is unbearable

And I don't even know what's causing it.

I look around me and see dullness

Depression

My life is boring

I feel like I'm nothing

I'm a dot on the map of the universe

That is vast beyond my comprehension

Someone give me some advice

Make me feel better

Help me find my way

I miss the life I left behind

And yet I love the life I have here...

WHAT CAN I EFFIN DO?!?!?!
*Cries*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

NothinG

I'm weak

I'm powerless

I'm a coward full of fear

I'm lost

I'm forgotten

Wishing help were here

I'm alone

I'm confused

I can't help feeling used

Fuck the government

Fuck the system

Fuck all the things I've missed

Because I know to everyone

I'm nothing

You can lie to me as much as you please

Tell me the things you think you see

But you are just as wrong

As any other person's words have been

I'm too young

I'm too old

I'm alone and feeling cold

And there's nothing here to warm my icy heart

Take a torch and melt the walls

The beating ceased long ago

But no one could ever know

Because of the barriers that I apply

When I'm feeling I need to hide

From the world and from myself

I am still stuck inside my hell

My mind is a mental prison

Of which I cannot escape

All I want is happiness again

How much could this take?

Give me the love that I hold dear

And give me the faith to remain right here

Because right now I'm feeling lost inside

It's such a vast long void

A feeling that I can't deny

A feeling that I've lost

A feeling that has vanquished into thin air

Because the feelings have all disappeared

And I am no longer here

I am still

Only nothing

******************************************************

♥LoSt♥

You think you know me

But all you see

Is what I'm leading on...

You see my smiles

My eyes full of light

And yet I lay awake at night...

My sleep is disturbed

By the racing thoughts

Of how insecure I feel

And Does it even matter to you

That Im dead inside?

You sit at home all day

Writing about me

Hating me

Wishing death upon me

And yet you've never seen me

Not really

Not my true self

Nobody knows her

That girl I keep inside

Because I fear one day

She is going to be released

And no one is going to love her

Because of her lack of beauty

Her inability to reason

Her eyes that change in color

Alongside of every season

She doesn't want you knowing

That she too is weak inside

And every time you break her heart

She dies a little more inside

You can look towards me all you want

But not directly at me, you see

For I fear that I'm transparent

And you'll see right through me

I hide behind my armor

Made entirely of smiles and soul

But who I am deep, deep down

Only I shall really know

You can...

Judge me by the way I look

Judge me by my hair

Stop on the sidewalk as I walk by

And draw some more attention to me

while you stand there and openly stare

Judge the holes I have in my face

And judge my body size

Judge the way I write my poems

Judge the way I cry

Judge my every movement

While I'm dancing in the rain

Judge how often my hair color changes

Judge away this pain...

Since you think judging people

Gets you so far along

Why don't you judge the way a singer

Sings your favorite song

Or what about the little child

Whose hair has fallen out

Because of the cancer she's facing

Even she knows what I'm talking about

It's her lack of hair that makes kids stare

While she plays on the jungle gym

And the one little boy who loves her so much

She wishes he was with him

But she is judged so he follows along

It's a cruel game that life has played

And before you get the chance to know me

My life has drifted away...

So lay me here on this floor

Leave me barenaked and cold

But If you think you know who I am

Could you please...let ME know?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[An Oklahoma Poem]

Do you ever feel like running

Running right back into the life youve left behind.

You know its gone for a reason

Youve found new, better things

Someone loves you here

Someone cares for you

There are people you can call friends

And truly mean it

You know people wont stab you in the back

When you arent looking

You have everything you could ever want

So why do you miss it all?

Why cant you accept the fact

That life has changed

You need to move forward!

Forget the friends you once had

By the time you return theyll have all forgotten

Or have moved far away

And your family

Well theyll always be your family

But theyre so far away

You wonder if theyre going to remember your face

Next time you show up for a visit

Is everything going to be different?

Will they live in a new home

With new things

And live a new life

Without you in it?

Will your baby brother

Remember who you are

By the time hes 10

And you havent been around for the last 5 years

And what about your other brother

Whose almost 18 years old

Is he ready to face the challenges up ahead

Without you there for him to lean on for support?

I dont know the answers to any of these questions

Nor do I want to.

I have everything I could ever want here

That is except

My family

My friends

My old life

I dont know what to say

Do

Or think

Someone please help me out

I feel lost

Empty

And alone

Like Im being forgotten at home

*Sigh*

I love the family I have here

And yes Im calling them family

Because they are the closest thing Ive got to one

Here.

500 miles from home

I love TJ

And I love our everything

And everything we are

Or have become

Together

I cant take him from his family

And he doesnt want to see me sad

I cant leave him here

And he cant leave me alone

To return home

So we face a dilemma

And as of right now

Im giving it all up

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

I AM
I AM

I am, Only what you make me
I do, whatever you say
I have, whatever you haven taken
I'm glued, stuck idly together after you broke me
I'm dry, no more tears left to fall
I'm empty, no feelings left inside me
I'm pitiful, feeling so sorry for myself
I'm lost, my mind wanders not knowing
I'm confused, what is there left to choose
I'm naked, your love no longer clothes me
I'm falling, tripping over my feet
I'm listening, and yet I hear nothing
I'm blind, your face is not in sight
I'm lonely, wishing you were here
I'm not understanding, why you left me
I'm not sure, why I'm being punished
I'm hurting, that's all that I am
I'm bleeding, the pain that I feel
I'm possessed, by thoughts of hate
I'm sorry, you're disappointed in me
I apologize, I didn't mean to, I swear
I'm crying, still unsure of how I feel
I'm confused, the pain is real
I'm wondering, should I forget you all
I'm clueless, what should I do
I'm trying to understand, it's not working
I'm lonely, bleeding here in my bed, alone
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Throwing It All Away*


So here I am again

Caught up in this whirlwind

Of lies and deciet

And what you mean to me..

I've been down this path before

I'm just too blind to see

The things that I felt existed

Are Still right in front of me

This tender heart was broken

With the hateful words we've spoken

And now I see the truth

It was hidden deep within you

I know now who you are

And the places that you've gone

I know now how you hated

Spending time alone

I missed you for so long

But that was long ago

I've moved on with my life

As have you, though...

I miss the days we spent

Laughing and talking like friends

Spending our days

Lazing away

Loving one another

Never knowing

The things that were to come

And now I'm unraveling

I'm coming undone

I'm sorry that It took

So long to realize

That it was never you

I tried to despise

It was only myself

And the perfection

That I could never give

So that we could always live

In happiness together

Through the hard times

We had to weather...

Can't believe it's come down to this

So many years lost

The forgotten bliss

The ignorance

Of your first true love

And all the things you'd given up

Just to feel him on your lips

With on arm around your hip

As he leads you onward safely

And all the meanwhile

You take for granted

The things you've never had

It was never quite so bad

As it seems

It's just me

I hate to think that this life

Can never remain what It seems

It seems to me

There are some things

That I need to tell you now

Like I'm sorry how

Things went down..

And I miss you as a friend

I wish we could start again

Because you were always there for me

When no one else could see

The hurt I hid behind my eyes..

But you saw right through me

You were the only person who really knew me

And they say that some things never change

But I refuse to believe that

I'll keep throwing this away

But knowing me...

I'll probably.....

Never change

I can't rearrange

Who I am

To fit your needs

And I hope you can see

That I'm sorry

For everything I've ever said

For all the things

That went to your head...

Or the things that were taken wrong

I never meant it

It was me all along...

Just throwing it all away

Now there's nothing left to say...

I hope you're happy today

With someone who won't regret it

Won't throw it all away

And I wish for you only the best

From the things that we've been through

To the being through itself

I've found someone new

He isn't you

No one could ever be

The you I know

From the real me..

So Take a look at me here

I think things are becoming

Clearer...

We knew it would end this way

And in one month

I would have been walking to a beat

As you would stare at me

But fate had different plans

And I found a different man

Who treats me like gold

Never leaving me alone

To fend for myself

In this sick twisted world

That we are both a part of..

But Im sorry

For throwing it all away

I don't regret the things we shared

Nor do I regret the past

The only thing I do regret

Is an 8 year freindship that never had the chance

to last...

--------------------++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------

--Rememberence--

Behind your false blue eyes

How can you say It Is I you despise?

You-

Who made me cry every night

You-

Who blamed me for every fight.

You-

Who never would take the blame

Then It was I-

Who had to feel the pain

I was sick of your lies

The pain

The bruises that never would

Go away

The marks you left on my heart

As my mind was falling apart

Blaming me

For being Crazy

Saying it was all my fault

Cursing the things

That I was not...

Now the times have come and gone

I am facing this world on my own

You draw your conclusions

You live your life

Questioning what could have been

Had I become your wife

I hate the remembrance

Of the things we became

Knowing that what once was a friendship

Will never be the same

I see you now

For the person you are

When you were with me

And when you were without

I will never understand who your are

I will never know what might have been

And I'm happy to admit that

I don't mind...

Because I found someone I want to be with

Someone who makes me happy

I've found a person who makes me smile

Takes my hand, and wipes away the tears

Even when he causes them

He admits to me his faults

He doesn't fear his wrongs

He knows that no matter what

I'll love him all along...

So had you never done to me

The things that we never speak of

I would have never found

The person that I do love

In some twisted, demented way

The things that happened between us

Were nothing but a blessing

In disguise

Between the screaming, and the fights

The violence, and the lies

The people that we'd never trust

And the people that never trusted us...

The friendship we destroyed

The love we'll never share

Was all just a stepping stone

To get me to where

I needed to be

So here by me now

There is someone new

Who isn't you

And I love him

I'm sorry

***********************************************************

RewinD

Unbreak this broken heart of mine
Rewind the tears I've cried through time
Then take your gentle loving touch
And let me know you still care so much

Tell me how easy life can be
Even when the beauty cannot be seen
Take the hardships that I've endured
And make it so they exist no more

Take this awful, beautiful life
Let me know it's worth living
From my hand, take this dull knife
And hold me until I cry

As my tears are flowing down
Let me know there are people around
Who are willing to give everything they can
Just so I could be happy again

But this is a sight I just can not see
Perhaps I'm blind to all good things
Never can I recall such despair
As what I'm feeling without you here

I always thought I'd be fine alone
I'm a fighter, that's what I'm told
But once again I'm proving you all wrong
Because I've been broken all along.

.....................................................................................

CHARADE

The words I have to say to you
Remain
They're stuck in my throat
And I choke--
As my eyes quickly moisten
You become an image
Of watercolor beauty
right before my eyes
And as I die
I see your smiling face
Which could never be replaced
Because--
There could never be another you
Who would fit me, the way you do...
You with your loving bright eyes
And you're little white lies...
That you told me each time
We held each other to cry
Together...
but alone in my room
And we both knew--
That this was love
But it would never last
Because the past
Could never let it rest
So we swore we'd just
Forget It All--
But who could forget you
Standing there now, in such dark clothes
With a Smile on your face
Because only you know
Why....
My necrosis is now a reality
Though no one wants to believe it
I smile to myself
As you lean in to kiss me
I never imagined you would...
The cold, stiff, flesh--
I was certain
Would destroy you
The closed eyes
And The makeup that tries
To confuse you
The lies that they portray
The eyes that they've arranged
With decoration--
Befitting a young lady
Who sadly Isn't me
Why Can't you see?
Don't you cry for me
Because--
We both know
You were gone
Long before I was--
And I missed you for so long
My tears they fell
Just like a summer rain
My heart breaking each time
The thunder rolled
And you've always known...

....................................................................................................

*BELIEVE*

You say
You'd cross the state lines
Just To be here by my side
...boy, I just can't believe you

You bite your tongue for me
You say you'd bleed for me
You love to make me laugh
...I still can't believe you

You deal with my emotions
With very little care
You just always tell me you'll be there
...I'll never believe you

I'm amazed at how much you know
About me
When I'm unsure myself
...I can't believe you

There are days where I wish
I were there with you
And days I wish you further away
...You better believe it

But we have such a strong bond
You're the best friend I never had
How do you know me so well?
...I Can't believe it

Every day that we speak to one another
I'm more amazed by you than I should be
You entrance me
...I Can't beileve this

You have me feeling so happy
You chase away all my fears
I know with you I never have to worry
About being afriad to shed my tears
I'm crazy for ever doubting you
And I will never do it again
We all have our ups and downs
Im just glad you stand by me in the end
And everything I could ever possibly want
To find in another person
Not only that reminds me of myself
But the things I too could be
I've found right there in you
And you're still my best friend

..............................................................................................

*Not So Innocent*

She tried to hide

Behind her piercings

Behind her unnatural dyes

But in doing so she knew

You could still see the pain in her eyes

Her black jeans

With matching shirt

And the blue hoodie

Hiding her open wrists

The weather was as warm

As the blood trickleing down her arm

Why did no one ask?

Why could no one help her?

It was the dead of summer

They knew

They had to know...

Betrayed by her own

Flesh and blood, why

Mother?

Why did you not care?

The denial grabbed you by the throat mother

It choked you and you didn't care

You were blind mother

And it was by choice

...Not fate

Oh mother...

Why did you not help your only daughter?

Why did you knowingly

Let me bleed at night?

I thought you cared..

********************************************************

Imperfections

Can you see the imperfections?

That I'm trying to hide

I store them away with this pain

I keep behind my hazel eyes

I'm fading back into the blackness

The shadows of your lives

And I hope you lay restlessly

Thinking of my demise

I break myself down

And I rely on you to build me back up

My walls are made of brick

And you're my cement

Without you it seems

Nothing in my life makes sense

Then again

You confuse me

There were days in the past

That I would sit awake and cry

Thinking of all the things you told me

Wondering if anything wasn't a lie

I took a silver razor

Rusted from tip to end

I dragged it across my flesh

Until I could feel the burn again

Those days have since long passed

And I still miss the heat of that blade

But to stop it was all you could ask

And relentlessly I obeyed

....Because that was my relief

My pain escaped through the blood

That left my veins

Right there on my left wrist

I wasn't trying to kill myself

I was trying to kill the memories

Of you

Of her

Of them

Nobody else noticed

The summer heat

The sweatshirts

It all added up easily

And yet no one cared

Or was it that

No one cared to notice..

Either way

It was my cry for help

I was dying inside

And killing myself over you

All of you

For the things you had said to me

The things you had done

I wasn't strong enough to live for myself

That came years later

And I still struggle with that

Each and every day

But for now I choose to believe

My imperfections make me perfect

Because that Is just who I am

Take it

Or leave it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

*UNBROKEN*

I've felt so dejected
So jaded
So gone...

I was solitary
And Confined
Feeling all alone...

You came into my life
Not without a worry or a care
But without a word once spoken
I knew you would be there...

I was unknowing, unsure
I guess I was a skeptic
At first...

But somehow you managed to salvage me
Yes, even after my fall from grace...

I'm unsure of when it happened
And I know not of how we began
I thought my heart had been condemned forever
...Until you came along

You gave me a feeling of hope
The feeling I thought was eternally dead
No longer was I feeling rejected
…And it was all because of you

The wonderment
The amazement
The person I know you to be…

I still can't believe I've met someone like you
-Everything I've ever wanted
…Right there, inside your eyes

I do not fully understand myself, the bond we share
And thusly, the words are difficult to find…

Though, If ever someone were ever to inquire
What my only weakness were in life..
Your name would be the only word released
From my gently parted lips

And now as my ears begin to redden
And my face begins to flush…
A smile of gentle satisfaction
Finds its way across my face…

Somehow I know that you'll understand
All the things I've been unable to say here tonight
And yet even with all the words yet unspoken
I hope our bond can forever remain
--Unbroken…
................................................................................................................

-*-ApArT-*-

Don't love me for what I'm not
Or hate me for what I am becoming
Simply be there for me
When I need you...

I never knew that was too much
I thought you loved me
Now I second guess myself
I thought you wanted me...

There are many days
When I feel like I should just
Fade to black
Because now I realize
..You never wanted me back

There are driving forces
Pulling us apart
And it seems you don't care
...So niether shall I

You know me too well
Please don't cry because I'm leaving
You brought it on yourself
....I see the pain in your eyes

Some days I wish I could just
-Sleep forever
Forget about everything
...but fate is much too cruel for that

You hate me for who I am now
And you hated me before
What was I supposed to do?
...I'm not made of clay

Please don't try to mold me
I can never be the way
the way you want me to be
...That's just the way it is

................................................................................................................

Suffering
There are nails in my face, My Eyes
Vines climb my spin, Thorns in my side
They called me insane, who am I to blame
No one but myself, I suppose
I pulled the trigger
And I pulled the knife
I was crazy enough
To end my own life
I chased you down
And forced upon you my crown
Of needles and thorns
The blood down your face, blissful
I love the suffering
The pain I cause you
The blood that falls
Your death, inevitable
There's something in your eyes
Perhaps it's hate
Shame
None the less
I rejoice in knowing
I caused it
They say I'm fucked up
Totally Insane
They say they want me locked up
It will never happen I assure you
In their sleep
I killed them one by one
All of them
Insanity took over
Yes, Blame the insanity
My bloodstained hands
Understand-
Are not my fault
All is lost in my eyes
My soul is set free
I will be forever lost
In the depths of hell
It is I you despise
..........................................................................................................
Pitiful Girl

Don't Pity Me...

What a pitiful girl
You say when you see me
Just because I hate everyone
And I wish to die?
Nobody wants to get involved
There's no help for me in the world
I'm screwed for life
Stuck like this...
Why am I so cruel
Why am I not allowed to be happy
Why am I a bad person
Why are they still in my head
If I ruin my life
I can ruin yours too
Maybe I should just leave
Forever...
I'm sorry I'm so hateful
I don't know what it is
Maybe there's a demon in me
Inflicting all this pain
The pain that I'm feeling
Is worse than when I cut
I miss the sight of blood
Trickling slowly down my arm
So it didn't solve a problem
Nothing ever does
But it made me feel good
In a bad way
Something nobody else
Could ever accomplish
Making me feel good
But I'm just a pitiful girl
On the verge of death
Will anyone even notice
Will you

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This Is My Sin

My Latest Creepy Writing

This is my sin

Sitting here with him

Uncertainties flood my mind

But with him I spend my time

A smile is on my face

Something i had forgotten

People have been erased

It's not my time to die

I remember the days of the blade

They don't seem so far gone

Years have passed me by

The blood stains remain just the same

This is my sin

Dripping blood from my eyes

Tears no longer fall

When I cry

There's no time at all

To tell you

I would take the fall

For you

This is my sin

Starting up again

Blood can be washed

Scars last forever

I cannot foresee the future

Any more than you can

However this I know

Come tomorrow

I shall exist no more

Because This is my sin

This is my heaven

Bleeding to death

Seeing the pain in your eyes

This is my sin

This is my hell




Avoidable

[As All Is]

My blood hits the ground
Reds all around me
The silver falls
From my cold dead fingers
What drove me to do this
Why was i so blind
I blame it on you
It was all you
I am in denial
I fear the truth
I know it just as well as you
My death uncertain and undeniably unavoidable
The light hits your face
The blade hits your skin
I watch from hell as your wrist splits apart
I see the blood fall, I watch your sin
It is my fault
I blame myself now
Because blaming you
Was the end of it all
I watch helplessly
Caught deep in hells depth
I fret in knowing
You soon shall be beside me
I called myself a friend
I was your lifes end
I see you enter hell
And I watch your body stay above ground
And bleed
For the last time
------------------------------------------------------------------
HATRED

The blood in my veins
Flowing through me
Just like the hate
you fill me with

Blood
running down my back
The knife remains
Embedded deep in my skin

Evil thoughts
Overloading my mind
Awful feelings
Overtake my soul

I barely know you anymore
but still I hate
Everything
Everything about you

Your eyes pierced my soul
Your smile creeps me out
I look down upon you
But no, I'm not better

I feel such hate for you
My hate, which was once love
Just leave me alone
Don't you see, I hate you
*********************************************************
~*~Broken~*~
There is a red bloodstain
Down my left wrist
A sharp razorblade
In my right hand
I regret what I've done
But it felt so good
All my pains
Melted away
With just one little cut
Just dripped away
right down my left wrist
I feel relieved
There's no more pain
I try to hide
All my shame
With my old gray sweater
And my new black coat
Someone grabs my wrist
I flinch in pain
So much trouble
Over a little blood
I try to stop
I'm not astonished to discover
I can't stop
I'm addicted
I need help!
I'm just so afraid to ask
Will you think less of me
If you know
You call yourself a friend
And yet I am shunned
I tell you my troubles
You push me away
tears refuse to fall
I am just too stubborn
I can no longer feel at all
I retreat away
With my little silver blade
A few more cuts
A little more pain
It's all worth it
There's enough blood
To take my troubles away
right down my left wrist
If only you knew how I felt
you'd understand my pain
No one will ever know
This time maybe It's just gone too far
And it has
painlessly
I slip away....
I grasp the hand of death
I succumb to all his power
...Goodbye Forever Cruel World...
***********************************************************
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