Brain Disfunctionality
01/22/2008 10:31 p.m.


Lacking Brain Functionality

Yeah, it sucks. I hate being bipolar. I'm tired of the emotions, and the tears, the anger, and the screaming, the issues, the distrust, I'm just plain tired of it.
But here's what I spend every day asking myself...is it better to feel all those shitty emotions, or feel nothing and be a medicated zombie. I can't tell anymore. I've done both, and they're equally awful. I wish someone could replace my brain with a smarter, less diseased brain, so if you have one lying around, let me know and that would be great.

I apologize for my last blog. I know it was depressing, and only a few of you preferred listers could read it. I have since blocked it because I no longer feel some of the things I wrote in my fit of...well, emotion. I'm still confused, hurt, scared, and worried...I'm still wondering what my next step should be, wondering if I'm even wanted here...but, I'm slowly working my way around it. Thank you to the few people who left me comments, and texted me hugs this morning. It means a lot to know that even though I didnt say anything...you still support me, and try your best to understand..I'm struggeling, and I can't lie about that. I'm thinking the same demented thoughts that I had listed, and Im still scaring myself with my day dreams, but...as long as I don't act upon them, and as long as I try to stay positive I'm sure things will be better...Today has been a rough day. I've been trying my best today to be open, honest, and understanding...there are still a few 'issues' that I can't deal with. I think that if they reoccur I will have to leave. I can't put myself in that position again, in that situation again, and I don't want to have to be 'that girl' who is suspicious of everyone and watches everything through a magnifying glass...Wish me luck in my journey, because It's going to be long and rough... If only life were easy....
I am currently Bummed