Anyone Out There?
10/15/2007 03:22 p.m.
This last summer, I saved a boy from drowning. He was no more than six years old. His parents were on the side of the pool, carrying on and drinking..No one noticed him screaming and crying. I went over, and grabbed him from the water. I got out of the pool with him, and walked over to set him by his parents. I got back in the pool, and no one said a word. Not a thank you, or a what happened. They gave me a weird look, probably wondering why I was carrying their son who was bawling his eyes out. They sat him down next to them, and kept drinking and carrying on. No one was any the wiser. I don't know what would have happened to that boy had I not gone and grabbed him. He couldnt swim, he couldnt touch, he was crying and then he started going under. I'm sure that things would have turned out fairly poorly for that family. I don't know why that boy crosses my mind every so often. I can only hope his family is more attentive than that on a usual basis, but it always gets me to thinking. Families like that, families who could be five feet away and let their son drown without so much as even realizing it...do they really deserve the picture perfect family? Do they deserve to have that son in the first place. I don't think they do. Its strictly my opinion, but it amazes me that in today's society people have kids and just dont give a fuck. People throw their kids away like yesterdays paper, starve them, beat them, and let them drown every day. Then there are other people who want children, and would love and cherish them, never taking thei eyes off them for a minute...and yet, they dont get that dream.

Most of you know by now that when I was 15 I battled cervical cancer. It took 3 years of biopsies and tests, and a lot of pain and angst as well. I've been pregnant three times, and I've lost every one. Unless you've lost a child you will not know what I'm talking about. You always feel like you're at fault. The doctors, the medical books, they all say otherwise, that it means there was a defect...but you never believe it. You cant help but wonder how life would be if that baby was born. If he or she were here with you right now today. You wonder what path your life might have taken, who you'd be, who they'd be...But that isnt the case. You're left to wonder eternally what happened. If what you did was wrong. If it was your fault, if there was something you could have done, or should have done but didnt. It's a heartbreaking thing to always think about. Now, a friend of mine has just been diagnosed with the same cancerous cells I had, and I'm praying for her. She's strong, and we've been through a lot in our lifetime, so I know she'll pull through. It only takes time. She's felt the pain I feel, dealt with the same loss as I, and she may be one of the only people who reads this that understands what I'm talking about. Its just another unfair thing in the world. There are children born to families who dont even want them, there are children killed for little more than fear of social status, and then there are the people who wish, and hope, and try, with all their heart, soul, and being to have a baby...and that dream doesnt happen. What is so wrong with our society??

Why do people think it's okay to put someone to death for a killing. Doesnt that make us no better than the killer? I say let them sit in solitary until they die. An eye for an eye, leaves the whole world blind.

Why is it that we've been taught to fear someone just because they have no home. Sure they might be a sociopath, but then again what if it's just a poor homeless man who lost all he had when his wife died, and he ISNT going to use the money you give him for drugs or booze. Maybe he's going to buy a blanket to sleep with. He's homeless what do you expect him to buy, a rug?!

Mothers teach their daughters that beauty lies within weight, and looks. No one teaches children about inner beauty anymore.

Fathers molest their children, priests molest theirs...families are divided, and people are murdered every day, over absolutely nothing.

When did we become such a hateful society.
When did it become OKAY to see another murder on the 9 o'clock news?

Last night on our Iowa news, it was covered that TWENTY THOUSAND Iowans a year kill themselves, and that 100,000 have since 2002. How is it that people blink blindly to such serious issues? It angers me so drastically.
I mean sure, we all have those days where we are as low as we've ever felt, but why does that make it okay for people just to give up. I know, I know I'm not one to talk. I've hurt myself more times than I care to count, in the past 6 years...but I'm trying to get my life on track. There's a song by city high, and my favorite line is "you can only go up when you feel so low." Sometimes its the truth, and sometimes you dig yourself deeper, but in the end...there's always someone there to help pull you up. For me, it's my mother, my boyfriend, his brother, my brothers, and my best friends Andrew, Brooke, and Molly. They snap me back to reality when I'm feeling down. Sometimes I just wish there were more people out there who thought like me, understood me, more lost poetic souls like me. I'd kill to have someone to talk to who actually UNDERSTOOD what I meant in most of my blogs. Someone who read my poetry and embraced it, rather than judged it. Someone who could help, but not criticize...but anymore, poetic souls are a dying breed. Now we're all pegged as 'emo kids.' Well if thats the case, I've been an emo kid since I was 12. Regardless, the world today is so full of hate and disgust. People get annoyed at friend requests from strangers. I mean FRIEND REQUESTS? Maybe someone thinks you're interesting, or wants to get to know you. But everyone thinks the worst. Isn't it a terrible tragedy, when in our society....

every nice gesture is bypassed, because people are too afraid for their lives, to trust anyone anymore??

I am currently Calm
I am listening to The low hum of my computer