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The Journal of A. Paige White Thank God for Ibuprofen!
09/29/2007 10:59 p.m.
Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe Strong, I know you and Leigh are making me strong but I don't know if I will live through it. Even those spinal knobs on my backbone are sore from our wrestling. This is exhilerating. This is debilitating. I did manage a few stretches and while it helped some of the soreness I'm even weaker, lol.... Aaaaarrrggghhhh .... Megan is so proud my emotions are better. I know she read my journal on my bed and when I reread what I wrote on that long dark night would have made her cry. That's why she called me at work the next day. lol, even Jarrod's proud of me for going forward with my life. I love these kids so much. I see what John Fischer meant about life being like a set of railroad tracks, rails side by side to take you to a destination. I feel the rejuvenation of hope renewed and such sorrow at losing Chip I still just bawl out of nowhere. It's crazy. sigh. That makes sense though. I KNOW I'm crazy. I'm pretty ok with my craziness today. It's a good thing.
I did lay out in the sun for over an hour. Of course, I had to remember the last time I laid out... at the coast at our love nest...and how Ricky and them picked at him about how he vanished when Logan and I would come down for the weekend. GOD i DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER ANYMORE! i DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER ANY OF IT... NOTHING. MAKE IT GO AWAY. TODAY NOW. I HATE REMEMBERING HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM. I HATE REMEMBERING HOW PRECIOUS THESE MEMORIES WERE. I HATE IT. I WANT IT TO STOP. NOW. I NEVER WANT TO REMEMBER IT AGAIN. NONE OF IT. NOTHING. MAKE IT GO AWAY.
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to KLove
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