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The Journal of Alison McKenzie Update on Meme
08/29/2007 08:30 p.m.
They discovered more nodules in her lungs, and some sort of irritation that has to do with old damage due to smoking etc (there was only one nodule the last time they did a scan, which was back around March). The nodules are still very small, but the fact that there are more is indicative of some disease process that they will ultimately not be able to diagnose at this point since the diagnostic procedure itself is too invasive for an 87 year old woman.
She is wearing down, this lovely flower in my life, and I wish someone could tell me when tending to her will cease to add precious time to her days. When does one properly shift from hope of longevity to acceptance that the end of days is near? Whatever time she has left, it will feel too soon to let go.
She is not coming home at this point, but is going to be admitted to the same care facility where I am employed. I will be able to continue my duties cooking for her, only it will be along with the other 42 residents here at this time. I do not want this place to be the place where she takes her final breaths, though.
I don't feel ready for the sadness that I may have to face.
I am currently Quiet
I am listening to my nose run
| Member Comments on this Entry |
| Posted by Mara Meade on 08/31/07 at 01:01 AM Oh Allison. From here on it, count it all precious (not that you haven't already) and trust that you will "know" when to shift your perspective - your heart will tell you. I'm glad she will be in your facility because you can be close to her, but I understand how you would not want her end to take place there. In that, you may be an instrument to find a gentler threshold... can you find hospice care for her when the time comes?
Just hold her as tight as you can. |
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