Theres Nothing Artistic About Sucide (R.I.P. Scott)
08/10/2007 06:52 p.m.
what do you sau when someone you grew up with-someone you saw nearly every weekday for years and years-takes their own life?
I am at a loss for words and a loss for feeling and i want to runaroundscreamingandlayinbedalldayandidrovefromlafayettebecauseididntwanttobethereandidontwanttobehere(breathe)

let me start over

there is so much good in the world and so many people love you and you are such a beautiful person so why?

why would you leave us all here?

whenever we would speak ( and i know it was few a far between these days and im sorry) you would ask me how my day was..so here was my day today:

I drove home from lafayette where i had spent the nght with ashley (she told me about the people stealing your rocks...i thought it was funny too). i drove home and just couldnt find anything to listen to. it was a relief tobe home. i went to my room and pulled down my box of pictures and i looked at them all and took out all the ones of you and i swear i looked at them for hours. then i flipped through the rest and searched for you in the crowds and in the backgrounds and i thought it strange how often you were there.

its even stranger than you wont be ever again.

but dont worry we wont forget.
i wont forget that i used to call you duck
or that you used to fall asleep in french all the time.

and im sorry
im sorry for crying and im sorry for being angry at you but i am. you left us. you fucking gave up.
im just sorry.

there is so much beauty in the world and i wish you could see you. because its raining while the suns out and i know you would have appreciated it too.

(oh and by the way we finally made up. i know youd be happy to know that there is a little more love in the world).

everyone loved you. and when the church is packed tomorrow ill wear fishnets and try not to cry because i know thats what you would like best.

i love you.
I am currently Sad
I am listening to HIM