dysfunctionalism at its finest
06/18/2007 06:56 p.m.
my mother sucks. there are not descriptive enough words in the english language to describe how much.

i went over to paint the house they're fixing up. she's been complaining she doesn't have the energy for it because she's having health problems. i enjoy painting, not a problem. but it's only common sense not to antagonize the free help, one would think.

now this house - first it was an investment property. fine. then a couple of my brothers were interested in it. good. then it was to put my grandma in and maybe the elderly lady my mother occasionally drives around. great. now it's supposed to be for me, nevermind whether i can afford it or no. nevermind whether i even want to live that fardling close to them. while i love the property and the house, there are too many other strings i know will come attached with it.

if i had a loving mother i might want to be that close to them. on the other hand, when, in the same conversation in which she's talking about what she wants to do with this house, she accuses my husband of "turning" me "into a prostitute" there is a large and severe problem.

it's absolutely hilarious. however, i do have this thought that people shouldn't be calling somebody they supposedly love a whore. bad enough if it is true, but when it's so false a blind man can see it glaring out there is a rather large, ugly issue lying underneath.

nor did it endear her any further when she asked if i really loved him. when i said yes, she replied, "oh. i thought it was a marriage of convenience. it was convenient for his father to get rid of him."

nor was her suggestion i check the symptoms for schizophrenia out well received. i have a few psychological issues, yes. i saw a therapist for six months because my doctor thought i might have ocd. therapist nixed that, said it was d/t living with physical/mental abuse for most of my life. yet ma insists they were "good parents. not great, but there's a lot of parents out there much worse than we were." while that may sadly enough be true, good is an extremely subjective term.

now my brother claims i need to forgive and forget. then again, he also says they were good parents because we survived and survival is all that really counts. forgiveness isn't an issue. forgetting is a little harder to do when she has a nerve to sit there and call me a prostitute. stupid remarks of that nature, particularly when said calmly and not in the heat of an argument, are the reason i avoid her as much as possible.

it was rather amusing. i didn't even get angry about it at the time. i just looked at her and said, "well, that says a lot about how you think." she did apologize later, long enough later that i had no idea what she was apologizing for. she said that wasn't the word she meant and used her health problems as an excuse, citing fuzzy mental abilities that day. i'm not buying it. an insult as emotionally charged as that is not something one says accidentally. nor are apologies get out of jail free cards.

although i did get a little peeved later. as my husband pointed out, she was in effect calling our dead son a bastard whore-get. i doubt she stopped to think about that either.

right now i'm inclined to think family should be defined as people you love to hate.
I am currently Detached