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The Journal of A. Paige White Tips for driving
06/09/2007 10:48 p.m.
in Jackson:
DRIVING IN JACKSON
If your Jackson map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Madison or Pearl and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jackson has its own version of traffic rules.
All directions start with "Get on State Street" which has no beginning and no end. Everything in Jackson is "just off State."
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Darting back and forth from one lane to another with no signal is considered reckless driving in most other cities, but it is business as usual in Jackson.
Stop signs are considered "suggestions" only and "yield" signs are ignored altogether.
Travel on I-220 is only recommended for the brave and daring or those who figure they have nothing to live for anyway.
Construction on I-20 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Madison."
If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.
The Traffic Circle near the Jackson-Evers Airport is not for the faint of heart.
I-55 North near the Waterworks Curve in rush hour is the Jackson equivalent of NASCAR. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.
If asking directions around West Jackson, you better be armed.
The minimum acceptable speed on I-55 South, heading north from Crystal Springs, Terry, and Byram is 85 until you reach the Savannah Street exit where the speed drops to 20 MPH or to a dead stop.
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
If it's 10 degrees and snowing, everything comes to a screeching halt.
If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is spring, it's opening day for the Braves.
If it is fall, the Mississippi State Fair is going on, a cold snap is expected.
All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible, so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Jackson.
Please try and keep up.
(I didn't write this, it's just going around bulletin boards on my space for the local yokels) The funniest thing about it is it's true!
I am currently Playful
I am listening to The wiles of willie frustrations
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