My Mother
04/15/2007 04:33 a.m.
Talked with my mother today. She has a really good way of making me feel like shit. It never fails. She has been in Florida for the month and will be coming home on Wednesday. She talked to my sister today about my "not so clean house". Saying very hurtful things... I shouldn't have children because she will take them off of me if my house looks the way that it does. (It is not as bad as she assumes it is... there is some laundry in the hallway and dishes in the sink - also the cat litter probably needs to be changed tonight - but honestly - it isn't that bad). She compared me to my sister and stated that my sister will not want her children coming to my house and I won't want my kids going to my sister's because the kids would come back and exclaim how beautiful their aunts house is and how mine sucks. My sister has always been deemed the perfect one in my mother's eyes - and my mother has her way of making me feel like shit. I am so emotionally drained from that telephone call. I can't even take it. Why do I bother attempting to continue a relationship with either one of them? I will never be good enough or neat enough or anything enough! I am not my mother or my sister - and for that I am glad. I am not a mother who says hurtful things to her children and who attempts to manipulate one against the other - no matter which one it is. She will talk to me on the phone talking about how stupid my sister is for dating the man that she is currently dating and will get on the phone with her and complain about how my husband is lazy and we are both slobs. Manipulation is how my mother works... she can't function unless she is turning one of us against the other. My sister is a self-righteous bitch sometimes and will never accept me for who I am... If I had to choose between being me (with my lazy slob of a husband and messy house, but compassion and a huge heart) and my sister (with her jerk of a boyfriend and immaculate house, but terrible personality) I would choose to be ME any day!
I am currently Angry
I am listening to TV