only awesome doughnuts come in pink boxes
12/07/2006 09:07 p.m.
((this is from 28 Oct 2006 | Saturday))

the fax machine beeps in a tone designed specifically to annoy you, designed to get your attention. the beep is followed sincerely by the rolling of the drums that will feed the paper through the machine; delivering a modest facsimile of paperwork which exists somewhere else.

the paperwork that arrives in my office daily comes from the planning department which is located in chicago. we have sales offices in boston, new york, chicago, detroit, dallas, atlanta, nashville, and of course, los angeles. the sales offices generate contracts and contract revisions that are all faxed to the planning department in chicago. once the planning department approves the paperwork it is all faxed to the billing department in los angeles. this is where i work.

i tell you this because i want you to know. i tell you so that the story hereafter will make a little more sense.

the other day my boss pulled two pieces of paperwork off the fax machine. she read them to herself with a grin and then said, "durex and bounty."

if you only knew my boss. if there was only same way i could create a facsimile of her here for you to know of her. so you could know her sense of humor. she says, "durex and bounty," and before she can complete the glance in my direction, before the smirk on her face even resembles anything sinister, before the moment is even complete, before her words have even processed in our co-workers' minds, before any of this, i say, "the quicker picker uppers." and the room erupts into laughter.

there are innuendos galore to made about the similarities between condoms and paper towels. there are thoughts that don't even have to be shared. we could just look at each other and laugh. we would try to fight it but laugh anyway, turn beat red and laugh. there were several moments thereafter where i would walk into my boss's office to ask a question, to clarify something, to double-check, but before i could even get a word out i would have to turn around and walk back to my desk.

the idea was hiding behind everything we said. it was this seed planted in our brains. no pun intended.

so when the fax machine delivered us paperwork for "out of the box publishing" all bets were officially off. all concentration went out the window. everything was an innuendo. everything was a joke. everything was a pun. everything was seven levels of perversity.

we went there.

that same morning my boss had brought in these incredibly awesome gourmet doughnuts called butterflies from this mom and pop bakery in west los angeles. they are what heaven tastes like. no lie. well, they come in this nifty pink box. it must be a rule somewhere that awesome doughnuts must come in a pink box. otherwise they are not awesome.

anyway, that pink box ended up in the trash next to my desk. and midway through the day i had a cup of tea. i threw the tea bag away and it landed on the pink box. it made the pink box wet.

i'll leave it at that.

in closing, last night matt and i dressed up for a halloween party as the sanchez brothers. we wore sombreros and cut holes in towels to wear them as ponchos. and to top it off we wore fake mustaches. he was pedro and i was dirty.
I am currently Scattered
I am listening to tool.