Reflections
12/01/2006 02:40 a.m.

I've been here for three years. Amazing. I've experienced so much, and still have sooooooooo far to go.

I say "ack" alot. I must remember to use better editorial skills as my time here flows forward.

I'm so grateful to have Pathetic as a place to post what occurs to me. Some of it is relevant. Some of it has nothing at all to do with my real life experience, but almost always, at the very least, the thoughts portrayed usually have a little something to do with what occurs to me from time to time.

Thank you to all who have posted comments, voted and the like. It makes me feel less alone where I live, in my heart, where I try to find the words to express myself. I hope to have the internet again soon at home so I can root around in the libraries of my fellow expressers and comment accordingly.

I feel a transition happening in my life, and I can't quite put my finger on it. It has to do with finally letting go of John - well, the hope of John anyway. It has to do with having to move again (the house we moved into last winter is now set to be torn down so that the present owner can build condos...greed is such an inconvience). It has to do with having Peace in places I never had Peace before, in my unmarried heart, in my oft lonely life. It's ok now, and I'm breathing in different rhythms. It has to do with embracing my inner self, my spiritual self, in more depth than ever before. It has to do with growing up, maybe a little bit about growing (dare I say it) older. It has to do with laughing, freely laughing, and finding more and more situations where laughter comes along for the journey. It has to do with being ok in my own skin more and more of the time (nearly always now). It has to do with accepting the fact that being good at what I do (on a day-to-day basis) does not mean I have to LOVE what I do. AND, it's ok to want to BE where I LOVE to BE, to plan for that, reach for that, and not worry about what anyone else thinks about that. It has to do with really taking care of myself, working out, eating better (though THAT process is JUST beginning and probably needs a little more time before it can live without hesitance in this list...). It has to do with my children growing up and moving on. It has to do with realizing the dream last year, and burying it. It has to do with so many other little things I can't remember them all. But most of all, it has to do with moving foward in time, the way we always do, and embracing the latest reality I have summoned into my life.

*taking a deep breath and letting it out*

I really do love my life.


I am currently Content
I am listening to the winter calling my name