Evaluating last five months: Sep. 2nd, 2006
10/26/2006 03:22 p.m.






Evaluating last five months: Sep. 2nd, 2006



I am sitting here evaluating my last five months. These are the months, I was hoping a break from my past, in the wake of all my resolves and a different routine prior to the beginning of these months.



I am feeling like laughing though not a hearty laugh but a laugh mocking myself. Why am I evaluating when I have nothing to evaluate other than all the temporary justifications I offered for my consumption and consumed, every time I became aware of my drifts and did my best to postpone all that I wanted to do and undo every thing which barricaded my doing.



Do I evaluate all these justifications? Do I keep on blaming the Nature when I have not behaved like an impeccable warrior? Do I continue justifying happenings? Can I justify letting things happen?



When the demon king Ravana, more powerful than Gods and a learned being, cried out lamenting on his death bed - I wanted to construct a ladder ascending directly to heaven and had wanted to infuse aroma in gold but despite being the only person capable of doing this, I went on postponing and alas! Here I am in my death bed lamenting.



Am I lamenting here in my deathbed, with all the potential unexploited?



NO.



I will not let the Time use me. I am going to use the Time, evaluating every minute, spending it like a miser. My priorities are not jus priorities they are my duties towards my own life. This clearly means I can't use my priority number two as an excuse for not performing my priority number one. I will justify not doing any thing if that is for performing my first duty.



I am bound to get up from this deathbed and construct this ladder. I am going to use time and imbue gold with beautiful aroma. I am a big ZERO so full of all and every thing.





Time uses you if you don't use it