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The Journal of A. Paige White I blew it
09/11/2006 05:32 a.m.
Well, I blew it. I blew it big. This is utter and complete failure at walking in any semblance of the Christian faith. I was cuttingly accurate, as was attested to by the victim, taken with great grace, I must say. That’s it. I’ve blown it. It started with Nathan. But, of course, it didn’t end there, it had to stop with his father. Part of me still chuckles in evil glee. I am sorry. I do not do well when bigoted. Never have. That apparently has not changed. Just been awhile since it was put to the test. I don’t take it well at all. Never have. I am appalled. I am appalling. Good thing I have a savior that is perfect and never failed in any relationship to always do and say the right thing. So, here I am back at the original starting place. I still need a savior. I am not Him. I definitely need Him. I took such delight in cutting this man to shreds. I’m sorry Lord, this is one sin, I enjoyed to the utmost. Yet, I cried bitterly soon after. I love Alex and Zane. How dare he? Am I such an alien to the society I live in that I see the need in these boys? I can see past the list of sins listed in order to vindicate bigotry. I’ve spent time with these kids, they’re great. Sure absolutely, they need some things straightened out. Will that come about by the people most able to see the need, listing and pointing at and walk away untouched at such a glaring need of true caring? Why can’t you look deeper than that? There is talent in these children. I’ve seen it. There is such a hunger in these boys for somebody to look them in the eye, and just tell them they are worth something. And because you’ve spent time in their company enjoying , no, celebrating the uniqueness that is them, give them some hope. Give them a sincere, “You have a purpose and a destiny”. Well, if nothing else, this whole thing, while actually laughable in actuality when dissected, (as I have, repeatedly) it has given me a desire to get more involved with these kids. God knows I feed them and house them all enough. I need to sow the seeds of proactive caring into them. If I don’t, who will? How on earth can I do this? I’m not a male/mentoring person at all. Well, I guess I’m actually going to have to start going hunting and fishing again. I’m just too girly to really get into that.
Ok, so it’s way late and I’m tired of rehashing that wonderfully inspiring conversation. NOT.
Whistles fail
For the male
To capture
Or prevail
“Castles bail”
The reapers rail
“And love so fair”
She wailed
Yellow stalks long
In graying hair
Their Angels decked, they’re
Jeweled diamond jokers;
We’re playing penny ante.
The next deck is a deal
And it’s yours.
I am currently Better
I am listening to Crickets
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