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The Journal of Maria Terezia Ferencz I am human and I hate it
08/22/2006 03:42 p.m.
Ah the dreaded moment has come, I find I am human at last. And I do not like it. After years of being numb this is really too much to bear. I hate it. Going from a complete state of numb to this state of "feeling" is too much of a transition to make in such a short time. What have I done to myself? I miss the life of nothing, where no guilt can live. I miss the land of blank where there are no towns with names like sorrow of the soul, guilt of the mind, heaviness of the heart. What is this land in which I have arrived? Will I ever be allowed to return to what was once my home? My hidden hollow of heart. Or have I been forever branded as human, with a number running down my arm to mark my shame of time spent alive?
I miss the me I used to be, she may not have felt anything, but it was better than what I am feeling now. I do not like this pain. I try to return but my heart has swung the gate and I can't get free.........
release me......
where is my key?
I am currently Dismayed
I am listening to a sneeze
| Member Comments on this Entry |
| Posted by Tim D Livingston on 08/22/06 at 11:14 PM If it's a choice between this veil of ecstasy
And all the lonely suffering of seeing this so clearly
If I've said it once I'll say it twice I'll say it for all eternity
I'll find all the comfort that I need inside this bleeding
And even though I feel alone
You know that I could never be
-Project 86 "Safe Heaven", just came to mind when I read this. I feel it. |
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| Posted by Shonda Chrissonberry on 08/23/06 at 12:52 AM The key is peace and only He can release you. Sometimes I think it would be alot easier if I did not feel pain, but then I would not be able to love ~ for love is often pain. Just thought I would let ya know that you are not alone. :) |
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