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The Journal of A. Paige White Into a Rainbow to meet The Invisible Horse
07/07/2006 01:47 a.m.
The invisible horse met me today in about the most spectacular manner to date.
inside a rainbow. the coolest thing, Megan believed me. course i didn't couch it in those terms. no poetry allowed with her. she doesn't "get it". I can't comprehend that. my daughter doesn't "get" poetry. come to think of it, i didn't either when i was 20 (21 in exactly 2 weeks, lest we forget). guess you have to live a while before you can appreciate it. i guess some people never do. she may be one of them.
Chip is going to love this! It happened right there at Piney Woods. He loves that place on the drive to Jackson anyway. He's stopped and taken pictures of it's rustic beauty in every season while he was "De Terminiter". I could see the darkened clouds in the distance but as I approached, it started looking like a dust storm or something at the end of the rainbow. then when i got within half a mile you could see it puddle onto 49. it was the strangest phenomenon. Why didn't I stop inside it! I'm so stoopid. nobody would believe it, but it sparkles inside a rainbow. each droplet sparkles like diamonds. I am amazed. i've got to try to express it. how can you express the inexpressible? how can you convey to another, the depths and the heigths of something like that unless you experience it? i don't think it's possible. but it was so spectacular, I gotta try.
words fail me. i can't find them.
my amazement increased as i drew closer and closer. in glad disbelief, i entered in. it had to be at least a half mile wide maybe more. i should have just stopped! i couldn't appreciate it as much because of all the traffic around me and the rain intensity had increased dramatically almost making me hydroplane. My God. The rainbow was in the car with me! Ahhhh.... more than that.... He is inside of me now in the fullest spectrum.It was unbelievable. I've always wanted to see what it was like. it is awesome. absolutely stunning. OH, how my angels laugh. Their joy is infectious. i wanted them to know just how much i appreciated the effort. a pegasus at each end and my invisible horse to descend.... glorious and sparkling... My God. I'm dumb founded. words still can't express it. He took me into the rainbow, where He is. Always. That's why some revelation (speaking of John the Revelator here) texts reveal they see emerald. Their perceptions are colored that way, but He IS the rainbow. It's solely dependant on what your perceptions are, that's all you can see of His beauty. It's not that His beauty is limited or flawed or illogical or imprecise. WE are. It's not that He is not beautiful as some suggest. The flaw is found in the perception, not in the object perceived. The reflections of those I disagree with are true. They are true reflections of what is perceived. The perception is untrue because the ability to perceive new or fuller revelations is disengaged. THAT'S where the error is. hmmmph only God can fix that. Certainly not fixable through a mere mortals words, even if undergirded by hope. Now if the gift of faith is given, and a prayer is written while holding that faith of God in plain view, how could it not accomplish what it was sent for? And it's possible to perceive the answer was never given or a negative one instead, when in fact it was answered, but it's a rainbow answer and not just emerald green. This is all way too much for me. I am in over my head. You've taken me into deep deep places Adonai. I never suspected. How could I? My perceptions were emerald green and you are the rainbow. Thank you for the abilities inherent in the great gift of faith, for faith is the greatest gift of all. I can do all things through my God. It is true, I just couldn't see it. Til I entered the rainbow sparkling with the dews of heaven (I believe it is manna, uncalcified) like diamonds.
The song that was playing when I did finally stop to get a coke (yes, I am a redneck and even a diet dr. pepper is a coke) and enjoy the full blown rainbow with another paler one perfectly in dimension above it was so appropriate. It was a perfect double arc over the city of Magee. I cried. I cried for joy. I could feel you with me. I felt so loved. How can you love me this much? I know what I am. I can't understand it.
The chorus that was playing as I memorized the rainbows was:
"Rain on
I will not drown
I'm standing
on higher ground "(I just LOVE K-Love 100.9)
I'm standing on higher ground
Rain on
I will not drown
I'm standing
on higher ground..."
I wish I knew what the name of that song was. I don't even know the group. I just know, in that moment their voices were the voice of God to me...
All the little details, so many packed into one glorious hour, alone with you. Ever, Ever I want to be alone with you, Adonai...
Why are all these children in my house? When will they ever go home? hehehe.... They're so much fun. Eating me out of house and home. Teenagers can put away some vittles. Chip bought a hundred, i bought a hundred + and in 5 days it's all gone. I think there must be more vagrant teenagers settling in (like buzzards) while I'm at work every day. I'll never forget the day I got home from work and had been here for at least 30 minutes before I knew Alex was here. Jarrod was at work, so i just assumed i was here alone. Why do I keep stoopidly making that assumption? if it ain't teenagers, it's angels. Walking with God, sure ain't what I thought it would be. I don't know what I expected, but it sure wasn't this. hehehe.... it's so much better! You satisfy every yearning of my heart, Adonai. Yearnings I didn't even know were there, til you filled them. You are my heart's desire. Who is like you? Even my alcoholism has turned out to be a blessing. So many higher joys I would have missed if I'd not been all the way to the bottom to increase my capacity just for normal things, much less all the "little extras" you've thrown my way. They ain't little, and I know it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I hear the go cart going again and I absolutely REFUSE to go look. If one of them is going to kill themselves, I don't want to see it happen. I hope Nathan tightened that lug up better this time!
I love every one of them. No matter how many gray hairs they give me. I know why we go gray now. TEENAGERS!!!
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to sweet whisper of Grace
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