exes?
03/31/2006 07:55 a.m.
lately I've been noticing couples around me doing a lot of talking about, in mostly positive ways, their ex-girlfriends and -boyfriends. perhaps no one else in the world thinks that might be unusual, but I do. and it makes me wonder these things. "maybe no one else in the world thinks this is unusual. why would that be?" why is it ok to be friends with your ex? how is it even possible? am I only thinking these things because I somehow have romantic relationships incorrectly?

in my life, I've generally been the person who persued someone else for a relationship. I see something I want and go for it. I am committed and genuinely care about the person I'm in the relationship with. these relationships (mine and Eric's - and thusly mine and Tommy's - is excluded because it's unlike anything else I've experienced) all ended because the guy wanted it to. he stopped calling or, in one case, never even started calling. Ryan and John are ex-boyfriends because they stopped wanting me for a girlfriend.

my relationship with Tommy is different because I ended it. I KNOW why he and I can't ever really be friends and it has nothing to do with him. I can't be friends with someone I know I completely screwed over. all the things that happened AFTER the break-up aside, I screwed him big time. I know this. you don't look into the face of doom. you don't keep something around that reminds you that you're a heinous bitch. you can't be friends with someone you've cheated on. it's not possible. (this has interesting implications for my friendship with Koye because he certainly is a reminder of how terrible I can be... but I have to have him around... he's like a limb.)

I understand "moving on." I get it. at least, I thought I got it. does moving on somehow involve still loving what you used to love about a person? are they allowed that kind of recognition? why? why do they deserve that? they hurt me. I get moving on. I get not being in love with them anymore. I don't get singing their praises. I don't get hanging out with them or talking to them on the phone. these things don't sound like moving on to me; in fact, they sound a great deal like standing still. when a relationship ends, things have to change in your life. if you talk to your boyfriend on the internet two hours every night, when you two break up, you have to stop talking to him on the internet. you change your screen name. you block his. something. you stop using AIM. whatever. done. over. you don't even give yourself the reminder of what used to be. if you don't do that, how have you moved on?

I can see, I guess, giving credit where credit is due. I won't sit here and deny that Ryan is hilarious and creative or that John is unique in his youthfulness or that Tommy is... whatever Tommy is. certainly not original. committed? yeah, definitely committed. I won't deny that. but I'm not going to sit on the internet and write about how great they are. in fact, I think I've proven more than once that I may sit on the internet and write about how terrible they are. I suppose this also could qualify as "not moving on" cause you're still talking about them. (not as I am now because I'm speaking of them more as models of themselves rather than the person himself.)

ugh, I'm running out of thought and I just keep coming back to the idea that, ok, maybe these people aren't moving on. I didn't move on right away. I handled it differently, but how can I tell them I handled it correctly and they're not doing it the right way? I strongly doubt I handled it correctly. there are files FULL of handling things incorrectly in my library right here on this very site.


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