Almost there
02/18/2006 09:53 p.m.

Grandma is all in, but I am finishing the packing for my house this weekend with the movers coming Monday. THEN we will ALL be ALL IN. WHEW!!! It is an arduous and EXPENSIVE task!

On a side note, I received the most interesting call this last week. Long ago, my legal father (after being divorced from my biological mother) married a woman with five children in step-ladder ages of 16, 15, 14, 13 and 12. My age at the time was somewhere in the bottom-middle. It was a VERY difficult time for all of us, and some of us adjusted better than others. All of us did the best we could given our emotional maturity at the time, but feelings were hurt and anger prevailed now and again. After all, we were teenagers struggling along...at any rate, my step sister, Julie (the youngest of the siblings) has apparently been trying (literally for years) to find me, and finally found me through the internet (of all things!!!). She contacted my kids' grandmother (my ex-mother in law) who contacted me and let me know Julie was looking for me. We had THE most WONDERFUL conversation last Friday evening, and I am SO thrilled to be communicating with her again. She seems to have developed this notion that she was terrible to me in the whole process, which I find to be an interesting feature since I don't feel bad at all!!! There certainly was a time when I longed for my step mother to love me, but that is a long ago healed wound which Julie herself had absolutely nothing to do with. I also had some amazingly awful encounters with my oldest step sister, but even that has faded with the years into comical memories of the drama of it all...In the process, I also ended up speaking to Christine, the middle step sister, who was, true to her "middle" position, always the diplomatic peace keeper of the bunch who advocated for everyone's happiness at the time.

I've had recurrent dreams through the years about my step siblings, always wanting the home I dreamed of to be tidy for my step mother (who passed away from breast cancer so many years ago). It's just interesting, the way life unfolds and some things come back around for a good cleansing :-) I also had a dream several years ago in which my step mother came to me. There was a sheer curtain between us, a chair on my side, and she told me, "I just had to come and tell you - I always loved you and I realize I wasn't able to be very good to you, and I'm sorry." Now, I imagine it may very well have been my own desire to hear those words that created that dream, but I also love imagining the possibility that she really did come to me. Either way, healing was accomplished and at my age, I also understand how difficult it must have been for her, too. I will always remember her as being lovely and funny and precious, and just a little bit fragile at times. A small part of me will always despise my father for not treating her with any recognition or appreciation of the energy and love she gave to him.

Huh. Life is funny.


I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to my memories