jacob.
02/01/2006 05:57 p.m.
Jacob, this is your Auntie Em,

You might be going away soon
to place that I can't be,
& maybe you'll never read this,
but you should know who you are
to me.

I remember your very birth;
the way you came into the world,
& everyone said you looked like your mother,
but I just said you were the most beautiful thing.

(Because, Jacob, you were the most beautiful thing.)

& I am still young,
& I would make a terrible mother.
But I thought God sent you
a little bit for me too,
because the moment I saw you,
I whispered to my mother
that you were my favorite
-not to tell- but you were.

I am not around all the time.
I have missed so much of your growing,
but when I have seen you
-and you've come so easily to me-
-and buried your head in my shoulder-
you make me feel like I could be ok,
like maybe one day I could be a mother...
one day.

If you're gone when I get home, Jacob,
I won't be able to stop my tears,
because I'll never have heard you call me Emmy;
because you won't even remember your Auntie Em
who you went to,
who you snuggled,
who you loved...

& who loves you so very much.

I am currently Sad