Rage
01/06/2006 11:38 p.m.
I DON'T WANT HER TO BE THERE!! I don't know what on earth I could possibly say or feel and this shit is just driving me insane! Not just her, but everything. All of it. I don't know what the fuck I need anymore!!!! And I sure as hell can't bring him there now. FUCK! I just don't know. I don't mean to be mean but I have nothing to say and no good reason to talk or pretend to be fucking civil! I'm angry! I'm hurt! I'm broken for fuck's sake what should I do? WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE? FUCK! Someone remind me why the hell this all happened again? someone tell me why I feel this way. Why I don't know what I'm gonna do. Why do I feel like falling away into nothing or just going livid and raging and red all over?I'm fucking hysterical. I can feel it in my veins. I'm not sane right now. I'm fragmented and torn and confused. It's like having scars you cover up but then when you're forced to look at them again you don't remeber what happened or why, only that it hurt. That it burned you or gouged your flesh. Can't I just forget already? Can't I just let it go. Maybe I can never let her get far enough away from me to really forget this.

In all likliness the night will go well and we'll just pretend we never knew eachother in the first place. But every time I see her I feel like vomiting. Not because of her. She isn't replusive. It's the thought. The situation. Like seeing a costume in a store window of the killer from the one and only horror movie that ever scared the shit out of you, cuz with every stab you realized you never saw it coming and the protagonist never shakes the fear. Fuck. It's like scream.