I've been pondering the destination lately
12/30/2005 01:12 a.m.

This has been the strangest and most difficult year and a half in so many ways - the brief and difficult reconcilliation between John and I, our time at church, my surgery, the loss of my job as the Director of the department I worked in shortly after the surgery, the separation and divorce from John as the final chapter in that seven year long marriage, the permanent custody of my troubled 14 year old son to my home, working in the cherry industry here (considered to be one of the lowest of all jobs available in this city), my brief and unpleasant experiences in the world of "dating", my new job (which I enjoy very much) with a physician who is, herself, very ill and is suffering along in her recovery...it's just been a strange and difficult time.

For the record, "negative" is not where I allow myself to end up, ever. However, "negative" has occupied portions of the process and as long as "negative" is not where I end up, I have been content to allow myself the dip, now and again, into the frigid depths of that portion of the whole experience.

As always, my goal is for myself to end up someplace better...

Let me revamp that last statement, because I have always been in EXACTLY the correct place. My goal is to create a more peaceful reality, and THAT I have some control over.