The whole relationship thing
11/16/2005 05:49 a.m.

I know the universe is beating me over the head with a lesson. I know I can't see the forest for the trees (and all the leave......ing). I don't feel rejected, or abandoned. I am not feeling like I lost something (how can you lose what you never had?) It's just that I wonder about these weird lessons I've been getting lately. I am soooooooo bewildered. They are: Seemingly successful individuals. A whirlwind of intense proclamations for a very short period. And then, with no warning or rude (or warm) words, *poof*. Gone like farts in the wind. Except that, farts, at least, fade slowly (if not unpleasantly) away. Not a word of explanantion about why, except in one case, the guy's work buddy finally called me and told me my "date" had decided to go back to his ex wife. However, the "date" himself never contacted me again.

I know that water seeks its own level. I know that I must have sent SOME sort of message into the ethers for these scenarios in the "dating" world to repeat again and again in such a short period of time. Not ALL the experiences have been this way, but the dates that seemed to go the best and seemed to be the most appealing to me in terms of potential relationships were ALL that way.

One thing that makes at least a modicum of sense is that there was another woman involved (like I found out through a third party in the one situation). And if THAT'S the case, what the heck does it say about me that the most appealing prospects are, in reality, still involved in previously established relationships and are not truly free? I'm not saying that's the case, because of course, I'm only guessing. My other guess is that there is something terribly askew inside myself, and these "dates" seem to stumble across it somehow in the first two weeks of knowing me and they run screaming away.

Beyond that, I don't get it. I am honest about how old I am, how many children I have, what I do for a living. And if it's a blind date, I am entirely honest about what I look like and my size. It just doesn't make sense to start off on a dishonest foot in any way. So it's not like I told anyone things were one way but when they actually meet me they discover something different. I could maybe see it then.

*sighing* At any rate, there it is, and here I am and I'm just beginning to process the evidence. And I'm concerned that what I might discover, though undoubtedly helpful in the long run, is more than likely not going to be fun as I look at it.


I am currently Troubled
I am listening to my tired eyes