re: it ain't easy being (blank)
10/21/2005 12:30 a.m.
i find myself longing for the days when the looney toons were thugged-out on excessively large t-shirts, wearing african colors and waving pot leafs and peace signs. i long for the days when friends still loved you when you wore such attire. everything was so much easier then. wasn't it?

this question plagues me. in some aspect things as a child seemed so much easier because we were, at the time, blind to relevance and consequence, learning the world around us, and trying (albeit under the illumination of imagination) to make the best of what we had.

i realize now however that these adventures in childhood only support my delusions now, only anchor the person i am, and act only to yank us mentally back to a time when things weren't so disenchanted -- only to realize now that those childhood moments are saturated in precursors and evidence of the person we were to become.

i have been on the move from massachusetts to illinois to california and many points between and as i sit here in a valley in southern california trying to build a career without an erector set, trying to network without k'nex, and attempting to form foundation without legos... i kind of feel lost. where did all the simplicity disappear to?

my final collegiate semester just ended and, well, it was abrupt and... disenchanting. the last few weeks have been an annoyance of trying to find a car, a job, an internship, money, pay bills, a new apartment, keep friends, return calls, maintain cell phone minutes, network, mingle, develop a short student indi project, write, revise previous writing ventures, career, career, career.

deep breath before swearing. fcuk. fcuk. fcuk.

and the worst part is that i don't want to fall into a cycle where i'm doing something here that i could just do back home. i came here for a reason, i have something to prove (both to myself and otherwise) and i can not give up. trust me, this is a different environment out here. this place requires a certain amount of patience and persistence; an equal balance of which, i'm told, exists somewhere. and for the record, los angeles may as well be as spread apart as boston is to chicago, it's big, and it is full of eager people.

so in order to allow convenience in regards to finding a job, working it, and also aiming for an internship, i found a decent used car that i went ahead and purchased. it's not much but it's cheap and it works. i figure that there is no cake without a few broken eggs and sometimes you have no choice bu to take risks in life. so by week's end i will have myself a mode of transport that hopefully will earn me some freedom and more leg room in this overtly expansive community.

above all i need to keep inspired and stay creative.

that said, i'm still wondering why it's so hard to get people to read long pieces of poetry, and my dinner smells about ready... take care.

best,
frankie