The Journal of Joseff Marat [emergence]
10/07/2005 07:05 a.m.
i live for the rain. ... it's funny, i wrote a line once that said "i hate the rain in january" - that's a bold faced lie. i love the rain any time of the year. it's raining now. ... it dosen't make me depressed; it makes me introspective. i don't know if anyone knows anything about personality types - but i'm a xnxj - i'm both introverted and extroverted & i'm both thinking and feeling. (i wonder how rare it is to have both). either way, the rain causes me to become, i feel, more observant - not just about myself, but about everyone.
so, in examination of myself, i admit to being incredibly aroused right now - yet almost completely in control of it. it's not the weather - i'm just... due. i go through periods of emitting pheromones (an animalistic quality), panting, and howling a mating call (which, before i had high speed internet, was a dialtone). however, i've been able to control it better than i used to - i don't view pornography or anything like that - and do what i can to suppress the beast from coming out in me - especially at the full moon.
and i'm almost completely in control.
almost.
this means i'm suppressing them, not exciting them. but... my hands are shaking.
...........
sorry... continuing.
emergence comes, today, in the form of self realization that i can get over things that have become closer to my mind and heart than anything ever. don't assume that i'm referring to a woman. i'm speaking in generalities. whatever may become incredibly dear to me - and no matter how jealous i could become over it (if, for example, it was a woman), i think that i can now overcome that without skipping a beat. ... however, i sincerely hope that if ever a woman touches me like this, that it never gets to a point that i have to realize this (and actually having to follow through with it).
.............
i've said my piece. it's late night ramble. i really learned nothing today. tomorrow is new - fresh - rainy (hopefully) - and comes in shades of grey, brown, orange, yellow, red, and flannel.
it's 11.49pm - thursday night - the 2544th anniversary of the medo-persian empire overthrowing babylon in one night as king belshazzar (a vassal king in place of his father nabonidas) partied away using the sacred golden utensils of the temple of the true god. the gates were open, no one was around, and the waters of the moat that kept mighty babylon mighty, were subsided to make way for the medes and the persians. the moral of the story - are you seeing the handwriting on the wall? (taken from the fact that a hand appeared to everyone in the party of the king writing these words on the wall: "mene mene tekel parsin" - translated by daniel the prophet to mean: "your days are numbered, you have been weighed and found deficient, and your kingdom will be divided and given to the medes and the persians".
you think that's trippy? last night was the anniversary of the same jews that were in exile in babylon returning to their homeland in 536b.c.e.
i'm wearing tan slacks, olive green dress socks, white with cross-hatched blue stripes dress shirt, and a brown cordouroy (spell?) sports coat (dress jacket - whatever). I am currently Scattered
I am listening to my computer humming
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