Underneath it all.
09/27/2005 05:05 a.m.
Theres something sweet about the way he doesn't care what I'm smiling at, so long as I am smiling. Theres something small and wanting there. A question not dared asked for fear that it might upset progress. Upset the pursuit of happiness, real happiness with someone. The honey I've been sniffing out, in spite of the hive. He makes me sure that I don't have to be stung to have sweetness. and yet... He doesn't say a thing. Doesn't ask a word. Doesn't dare to breathe and let me a moment past what I deserve. Apparently I'm amazing.

I haven't been amazing for a while...

And yet he doesn't dare move an inch from where he's placed himself. And I'm forever grateful for it. Forever in awe. He just talks and then he listens and then he helps me understand. It's not Tim. It's not even Jordan while I was with Geordie. It's different. But it feels quite correct, to have friends like this. Like him and Anna, and Barbara and Bea. Friends to tell me things I often forget about myself. Friends to help me remind my lover things he often forgets about me. About us. About what us has or has not to be.

I feel alive again. Funny, that.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to "underneath it all"