difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over.
09/20/2005 06:59 p.m.
i have no one to complain to. so i keep it all pent up inside of me until i'm drunk and can't take it anymore and then i cry and cry and cry until i'm sober and sore and shaking. greg told me, "i really want to talk to you, but i have to go. can i call you later?" "yes!" my little heart jumped. but he never called. and he probably won't.

today infront of tate a man with a load voice and two friends preached the "bible" to anyone who would listen. they were angry and judgemental and hated everyone. two of the men carried signs larger than me high in the air exclaiming everyone who "made them sick" as the signs said. this included "jews who worship in the house of satan," "roman catholics," "child-molesting homosexuals," "smokers," "sports fanatics," "power-hungry women," "rebellious women," "mormons," and so so many more. this one girl began to cry. she got up on the stage where the man was screaming, and apologized, saying this man was no representative of the god she loves. she just cried and cried and i felt so awful. everything the three men said was mere entertainment for me, but for her, it was horrible, horrible slander. and i thought, "how strange it must be to love something (or someone) so much that i would be willing to get on a stage and cry for it." i don't believe in god, but i want something or someone in my life that when someone blasphemizes (is that a word?) it, i will shake and scream and cry and be so hurt and angry. i don't know. i guess i just want to feel truly passionate about something.


I am currently Calm
I am listening to a perfect circle (thought i'm not sure why)