I Am Peaceful: September 12th, 2005
09/12/2005 07:07 p.m.

I am peaceful. The scene before me is quite, almost still, though I see objects moving like in a movie but confined to a frame. I assume I am happy and this assumption provides an emotional touch to the scene I am part of, playing a triple role of an observed, an observing 'I' and an 'I' observing an observing 'I'. I am on the move, though I assume I am not going anywhere contrary to my inherent death instinct which keeps on chasing me, compelling me to move.

I have no place to go. I find the life here. If I start believing in this statement of mine, this sounds true to me. You can fight your death only in this arena, the arena of life. Be watchful, Ashok, be watchful my love, let not death appear in the disguise of a thought and drag you out of this scene, unaware. Just BE and SEE, SEEING SEEING.

I am beautiful in this moment. This assumption releases some tension within and I feel softness engulfing me and fear vanishing. What is there to fear? What is there to lose? There is nothing to lose and so there is nothing to fear. Death just cannot take away this moment from me. I will live, aware. I am peaceful. I am not going any where.