i'll need this for sunnier days.
09/11/2005 11:22 p.m.
i need to remember that it is me who continues to let my heart break on repeat. he has done nothing for so long (isn't that always the problem?) and we are no longer together (didn't he make that perfectly clear tonight?) and if i am going to keep calling (on a weekly basis) i need to remember that. we no longer breathe the same air, we no longer skid the same soil, and he has moved on. how is it that i am stuck in some past dimension? i did get left behind, some how, and if i am to ever find my way back (alone) i need to take the time to heal myself from the heartbreak i keep causing. i put his pictures away, tucked them away with handfuls of tears, and i'm hoping that one day i'll be able to look at them and smile and be so happy for what i held (hold) so dear. i miss him so much, and i need to know that somewhere, out there, he feels badly too.

so i cut my hair and i'm going to start over. i'll meet new boys with new stories and i'll pretend to captivate myself for the time being. and later, when i'm alone in my bed, i will think of him and still be unsure. i have some rum in the closet with his name on it, and let's be honest, there's nothing that makes me feel better than falling asleep drunk, naked, and alone, crying about something that seems to have vanished after some night so long ago.


I am currently Hurt
I am listening to bright eyes