I think I'm officially depressed
09/01/2005 04:45 p.m.

I took my work home last night, thinking it would be so cool to be able to work there. Right. I transcribed about four hours worth of tape, went to save it to a floppy, and lost my hard drive altogether. That was at about midnight. I worked until nearly two trying to see if I could recover the hard drive on my own, and then spent until 3 am crying.

Let's face it. It's just been a sucky year. The unsuccessful getting back together with hubby, then surgery, the long recovery, losing my job, finally losing my marriage, not finding full time work yet and having to rely on my grandmother for financial boosts here and there. There is good stuff, like my son coming to live with me, but boy....for the most part, this year has been littered with hard, hard stuff. And today I'm tired.

Plus, I have an appointment (which I can't afford) with my physician today to follow up on the strep throat I've had (which is hanging in there despite the antibitotics), and she's sort of a Ghestapo when it comes to her patients taking care of themselves. I haven't had the money for the diabetic medication I know she's going to ask me about, and even though my blood sugars are not WAY out of wack, they're still too high and I feel pretty flippin lame about it. I don't want to go in there. I'm depressed and she's never seen me depressed. She'll just want to write me a script for an antidepressant that I don't believe in taking for just situational depression. So of course I'll just tell her what I know....that this too shall pass, and in a while I'll feel better.

I decided that if someone came along that wanted to, I would let them take care of me right now. It's something I feel I've never really had, and I've spent my life trying to make up for it by finding someone I could take care of instead. I know I need to take care of me, but I'm so discouraged right now that I just might....well, at any rate, today it's a mute point.

*sigh*




I am currently Depressed
I am listening to my face get puffier