chocolate chip cookie conundrum
08/07/2005 11:16 p.m.
what i was never any good at was that challenge in grade school where the teacher would hand you a chocolate chip cookie and a toothpick; the idea being that you have to mine the cookie and excavate all the chocolate chips without cracking the cookie. i was never any good at it. at all. in fact, the few times i had to do it, i despised it.

i was the fat kid sitting at his desk thinking, i'm just gonna crack the cookie so i can eat it.

and then there was always that one kid who could do it, and do it good. and although i'm not quite clear what lesson plan this little challenge was juxtaposed to, i am pretty sure that given that kid's chocolate excavating skills, he's definitely pumping gas somewhere.

i can barely pick crap out of my braces with toothpicks and you want me to accurately dissect a cookie? i'd rather go play in traffic, and then write about all the other kids' adventures in cookie mining.

adam officially used his tongue to lather the toothpick, thus softening the cookie dough making it easier to free the chips. he plans on reincarnating the spirit of the california gold rush. chips ahoy!

so distraught that toothpicks could be used for something other then hors d'oeuvres, samantha plans on developing an arts and crafts catalogue based on the many unknown functions of the misunderstood toothpick.

robert ate his toothpick before pocketing the cookie.

william compares this cookie exercise to the ever-popular home game known as operation, he fails to suggest that the cookie should be electrified or that the home game should come with wooden tweezers.

tweezers. if i was smart enough to complete this circular thought when i was in grade school i would have suggested that the following week we should have tried removing the cookie dough chunks from cookie dough ice cream without melting any, using only a pair of tweezers. now that'd be tons of sticky fun.

and you'll never believe who holds the two thousand and four record for eating the most toothpicks in x amount of time...

now if we're talking about keeping an egg for a week, without breaking it, and treating it like a child, oh i am your man. especially if at the end of the week we get to build a contraption to put the egg inside... and then we get to drop that contraption off the top of the school fire escape. oh sign me the **** up!

mine was always made of styrofoam bowls, lined with wads and wads of cotton, taped together, and dressed with a handkerchief parachute.

don't ask what brought these thoughts on. all i know is that last night i had a few beers too many and on the way home i stopped in a grocery store and bought milk, tide with febreeze, ice cream, and chocolate chip cookies.

and thinking about grade school has thus reminded me of a girl whose name i think was lisa. this chick could draw like a mother. i mean she had talent. and her nose was enormous. and she was afraid of sports, specifically soccer.

done, and done.

I am currently Hyper
I am listening to iPod