"and undoing all the way" - June 20th, 2005
08/05/2005 09:45 p.m.


”…and undoing all the way”, a well wisher added after wishing, 'A good day.” I decided then and there to record my doings of undoing, as and when it was conducive in the course of the day. I wasn't expecting this self of mine to show up at this point of time, wanting to smoke while driving to my office, feeling bored by few little works that I did at home sticking to A to A. I snubbed him, simply and out and out, by resolving to never smoke while driving to or back from my house. I undid yet another self, literally on the way, the self who was reluctant to stop the car and park on the sides to let me record my undoing on the way. Yes, undoing all the way, friend.

I remembered out of the blue that I forgot to take my blood pressure pill and reminded myself to remember to take it in the office as soon as I arrived. With this reminder appeared a (re)realization that you can only remember when reminded by an association or in the absence of all the associations. It's simple. Associations remind us because of the associated-ness that is internalized, blocking all other reminders which remain unassociated at that point of time. Lack of association will leave the path clear and visible for all the reminders that we internalize. What a realization. This clearly means
that we must undo all those associations which have no meaning in our lives. This will clearly leave space for all the suggestions that we want to internalize.

I am feeling a bit disturbed by a thought. How am I to cope up with all the office work and writing work that I have resolved to do today, where as I am still on my way, driving, late by 90 minutes. I succeed in undoing this self by logical talking, reiterating my concept of treating all the situations as situations and never projecting them in the time. I shall keep on doing my work and writing, I suggest, as they appear, moving from A to A. I am feeling good. This time I have no hesitation in parking my car on the sides and writing what I am writing. I stop my car again. This time the cause (rather an effect, which caused this cause) is a dog, dead and smashed to pulp by I don't know how many moving trucks and cars. I know this is a dog because I had seen his dead body hit by a truck two days ago at the same spot. But the realization that I gather is different. I am seeing the fate of the crowd in the pulp of the dog, roaming aimlessly on this street we
call life subject to all kinds of accidents, dying like this dog who shall remain unacknowledged and unrecognized for all the time.

Many thoughts appear and disappear on their own. Many disappear because of my presence. Many, I had to battle out, but there appeared a day dream in between these thoughts that I had to work really hard to disperse. I found my self in a scene where I was trying to hide my messages under the valleys and hills in a place where only yesterday I decided to not to send messages openly. This day dreamer pleaded incessantly to allow him to compose some cryptic messages. But I am ruthless today, undoing all the way. I succeed in sending him to his green room by producing before him my realization and my capacity to deal with a situation when the situation arises rather than projecting the likely situation and feeling anxious and wasting time and life.

In the office I neutralized a self who was reluctant to talk to a person who was necessary to talk to considering the situation. I applied logic and the end result was that not only did I speak to this person on phone, but I also invited him for a detailed talk from his place 300 miles away. Over and above, I spoke to another person I have been avoiding to talk to and made him see the reason and made him agree to my contention, almost half. After lunch, I found myself walking in the hallway of my nephews office waiting for him to provide me some data's from a site. Suddenly, I realized that I was stuck up in waiting. What was the sense in waiting? The server was slow and I knew this information will take some time to arrive. Why not go and do some unfinished work or write? Why should I postpone my life in waiting for nothing? Now I am here writing, facing and living my life rather than postponing it. Well, I will have to close this account of my doing undoing, which thanks to my friend, literally turned into---undoing all the way. You are beautiful and I am happy.