DOING UNDOING: June 18th,2005
07/07/2005 12:48 a.m.

Charged by a thought, I categorized as the thought of the day (it isn't new, but wasn't present either, all these days), I decided to devote one full hour on focusing and jotting down my DOING of UNDOING (even if this one hour is spread over many). My very first observation in this endeavor of mine is that I am DOING rather more than I would be doing if I was emphasizing on doing. What a beautiful paradox. You do more when you try to undo, and understandably so. The focus is changed, instead of concentrating on doing, you battle with the barriers, removing them, leaving a smooth passage for your doing. Interestingly, the tendency on my part is to do rather than to do what I think I ought to undo, and I am doing in the process of undoing, more than ever. I am undoing my lethargy, my boredom, my blankness, and my inclination to get stuck up in a thought or a person, a place, an object or my lethargy, my boredom or my blankness, or getting 'stuck-up' in the stuck up, resulting into doing. It’s here where undoing actually becomes DOING. Lethargy undoes inviting happenings and so does boredom, filling blankness. I am un-inclined in my inclination to get stuck up. I am doing what I must do by undoing these barriers, and in the process my past is UNDONE.

What a realization! By gelding the causes hidden in the past we do UNDO the past from causing effect in the present, turning into yet another cause with the turn of present into past for yet another effect in the time to come. My hand moves towards the telephone, an old habit winding and unwinding the wire is back on its own, and here I am, back on the path of doing undoing.

I am back on the path of doing undoing, resolved to undo every happening on the way, come what may. Come what may, I will keep flowing like an undeterred river. I want to smoke, but I shall not. I will undo this self. Oh! I am getting 'stuck up!' I shake my head in disbelief. 'Get lost,' I utter, and shake him off. We all have a tendency to get stuck up in the space-time-situation we are in. The time keeps on moving and we are left behind. I am cleaning my cigarette holder which I have been avoiding doing since the last five months despite wanting to do it, and this virtually happened on its own.

The process of undoing brings in a doing. Can I undo all the happenings? Can I turn all the doings into happenings? Can I construct a beautiful personality and turn it into my essence? Can I turn my subconscious into conscious, ever conscious of what I can do?

My first victim, it seems, is my inherent Lethargy. Next in order is this perennial feeling of boredom filling in this blankness. Now I am inclined to take up 'getting stuck up' when it strikes to get me. I also realize what an active and alert mind can do in this process of undoing. For example, I am postponing things that can be postponed, like avoiding reading a short message that isn't necessary at this point of time when my attention is needed on the job at hand. We postpone things out of habit that we shouldn't postpone, and refuse to postpone a 'happening' again out of habit. What a paradox! I don't want do any thing that can wait at the cost of this concentrated effort. Yes, this is A to A, and A to A is half attained if this is not part of doing to undoing. Mentally, my movement seems better, smooth and lubricated. What next? In doing undoing I am marching from A to A. “What next?” is a perennial question that I face. Instead of avoiding, I am looking forward to some ACT. I am on the march. I am RULASH.

I cleaned two holders and smoked half a bit after undoing this urge for almost thirty minutes. I feel good. It's a good beginning, but all the beginnings starting from a 'do' rise through 'fa' and 'mi' but eventually drop into a half note between 'mi' and 'fa,' and after taking a full circle we are back to the beginning, resolving to start afresh from a new 'do'. But I am, this time, resolved not let this 'do' retard. Thanks to Choon brothers who discovered this law of rise and fall, making it easy for the seekers to know how Nature plays incomprehensible games with them, that they can't play. Many know this law as the law of heptaparaparshinokh/change/seven/octave/ deviation. I, jokingly, like to call it the law of boredom. Ha! Ha! Ha! Because this law turns all the charge of a resolve, eventually, into boredom and boredom turns a friend into a foe).

There are many pending works I have been ignoring and avoiding out of sheer boredom, that I now doing. Interestingly, I just completed a work in ten minutes that I believed would take hours. I am feeling a bit tired. The answer comes to me on its own. “I need to recoup my energy accumulators” is the answer hidden in the “what is” of my feeling tired. I need to rest or wait for some positive impressions to recoup lost energies instead of wasting further energies on a
mechanical kind of blah! blah! as we normally do when we feel tired and bored. “I will rest and practice inner silence for five minutes,” I decide as a way against this urge to smoke and waste time, leaving our attentions unattended. But this was not to be, since I remembered a long overdue work that I thought would cost me three minutes. Then another work that took me two, then another that took another two minutes. This is A to A, ACTON TO ACTION, with minor adjustments resulting in more work in less time, saving precious time, life, and energies, that make us feel more organized. I do another work, two minutes, then yet another - three minutes. Yet another - nine minutes, then yet another – five minutes.

In the process I forgot to smoke and I am not feeling tired any more. The smoking self, I suppose, was generating tiredness, but I decide to practice five minutes of intended inner silence while I eat with my nephew. But I forgot to remember again and I realized this after I had finished my lunch lasting two minutes. We did talking, though not unrelated to our work or useless. I am realizing that I am feeling like deriving satisfaction from this little achievement of the day. I must STOP. This is going to push me back. I will not allow any barrier to barricade my way. I must push along all along the way. No looking back. No feeling of satisfaction that is bound to transform into a barrier. I am resolving to be ever on the march. No destination. I AM the march on this evolutionary path.

The attainment of every mile represents satisfaction, vanity, and pride. They are barriers blocking your way. I shall not look back as to how I have come so far, and I shall not look forward as to how many miles more there are to go. I have no destination, nor do I have any milestone. I shall be on the march. I shall be undoing all the barriers. I will transform into an unstoppable MARCH.