Memorial Day at Myrtle Beach: Monday May 30th 10:30
06/29/2005 03:10 p.m.

Marissa is in the other room crying, unwilling to go to sleep. Kara and I just gave her a bath and I saw her playing with the water and splashing around joyfully for the first time. She is so soft and cuddly and beautiful and innocent, hardly an impression made upon her. She hasn’t learned to fear irrationally, nor hate because of it. She knows only the rituals of eating, sleeping, washing, and playing…all she knows is the feel of hunger, thirst, comfort, and discomfort. She knows the sound of her parent’s voices, and her grandparents, the voices of safety and comfort. She know there are things that are so very funny, like tickles, and funny faces and noises her silly family makes when they’re around her. She knows that other things ‘feel’ bad, like the sun in her eyes, or the cold penetrating her chest. But she doesn’t know why she feels bad, and what’s more, it doesn’t matter why. She doesn’t presume or assume, nor even does she expect or suspect. She simply laughs when she feels good and cries when she doesn’t. All her reactions are a result of biological need. She is not yet motivated by jealousy, anger, hatred, fear, love, or power. She simply is, and does, that’s all, and I love her so much, despite that soon all of this will change. Despite that soon, she will be just like the rest of us ants…


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