INNER SILENCE. April 16th, 2005
05/12/2005 02:54 a.m.



INNER SILENCE is what, I believe, makes one able walk in the space of time, or the fifth dimension as I prefer to call it. INNER SILENCE is what, I believe, opens up the doors of perception wherein one draws AWARENESS from the AWARENESS AT LARGE. INNER SILENCE is what, I believe, shuts off one’s conditioned mind from mechanically reacting to everything external, interpreting what is based on the stored data's and preconceived conditioned notions, barricading the very being from BEING, SEEING, AND KNOWING. INNER SILENCE, as a matter of fact, increases the most unknown and unsought potential in us (i.e. SENSING), and one must know that AWARENESS, which doesn't have a language, is always SENSED though SENSING. We also must know that awareness is always there though we are NOT. Despite believing in what I believe, I have failed measurably to shut off my mind from jumping from one association to another, failed to stop continual internal dialoguing, failed in not reacting to every external stimuli, and failed not to drift from nowhere to nowhere, meaninglessly. I have known moments of success (which can be counted on one hand) and I do long for such moments of INNER SILENCE that brings PEACE, HAPPINESS, KNOWLEDGE, and BEAUTY. I have felt this euphoria of the refined energies. I have experienced KNOWING approaching all on its own, wordless, as if I had always known it but failed to recognize the KNOWING.

The point is, why do I fail to attain this state of INNER SILENCE despite my longing, despite my obsession, despite my struggle? I can simply justify my failures by raising an accusing finger towards NATURE and her indefatigable LAWS permeating me through its mechanism, but that doesn't help me nor do accusations lead me anywhere. This doesn't encourage me to BE, to SEE, and to KNOW. Besides, Nature has its own purpose under a wider scheme of things and we, being just a tiny screw in this scheme, have no business to question her purpose and blame her if she is pursuing her purpose through these LAWS. But we, as conscious beings, are well within our rights to pursue our purposes if we have any, and defy Nature by using its very LAWS meant to enslave us. Well, in the wake of this argument I did resolve to get into conflict with these very LAWS, but as the things stand, my problem is that despite this ongoing battle within, despite this conflict with the very nature of the nature, my moments of 'surrender' are umpteen times more than the moments of INNER SILENCE, which can be counted on one hand.

I can put forth arguments justifying my failure from the ANTS’ point of view, but they are neither pliable (from my point of view and purpose), nor of any help to me. I will have to find a way out in view of my past, my conditioning, my external, my situation, and my weaknesses from this 'no mans land' I am so badly 'stuck up' in. The internal dialoguing and the habit of interpretation is what the ancient shamans believed helped the ANTS maintain their ANT LEVEL so obstinately and enthusiastically guarded by the ANT COLONY ( Ha! Ha! Ha!). SENSING always comes into operation the moment an ANT shuts off the internal blah blah, and attains a certain amount of inner silence. This, on the one hand, stops misuse and waste of energies, while on the other SENSING intensifies the impressions registered in such a state, refining the energies into intuitive, which in turn intensifies the SENSING, moving this ANT from a general ANT level to a different layer of awareness. Henceforth, ANTS will call this kind of evolution 'strange', 'abnormal,' and 'crazy'. HA!HA!HA! After pondering on this issue for a while, I have derived a way out of this conundrum. I don't know if it will work, but in my view it seems to be the only way out at this juncture when I am stuck in this no mans land. I have used logical talking, face to face once in a while, to gather myself and in to push myself back into my SEAT. Besides these face-to-face talks, have succeeded too by using anger and turning it inwards. I have always succeeded in using this inwardly directed emotional drive to my advantage by talking to myself. The trick is to use this drive logically. This cannot tantamount to misuse since we use this drive for our own growth, more over as a temporary measure. The only risk is that we tend to resolve impossibilities driven by this charge but this will not bring us harm in any way.

I have, after pondering over this, decided to use intentional logical talking, face to face, at least once every hour, taking stock of what I have attained in my endeavor to BE , reviewing my gains and my failures in a nut shell, stressing what LIFE means to me and how little time I have to fill my life with meaning and beauty while repeating what I have resolved to resolve. This logical positive talking on my part, I believe, is capable of pushing me back into my seat, holding my attention, and blocking all of the external distractions while I am talking to myself. The charge that I shall derive from these talks will be in the form of reinforcing suggestions, resolutions and this belief that I CAN. I am sure this forceful talking on my behalf will push me back where I can BE and BE in a state of INNER SILENCE, for a while, while my INTENDING SELF plays the role of a watch dog, active and alert, shooing away all those associations which will do their best to lure me away from my SEAT. The best way to invite ones self for a talk is to straight away get into a conflict with the available self by simply negating it. For example, if you feel like smoking, don't smoke but keep alive the urge to smoke. One of the experiencers of this INNER SILENCE has stated that each one of us will have to find out how much time one needs to attain a state where THE WORLD STOPS and our BEING can draw from the AWARENESS AT LARGE. The simple logic behind this is that when you are talking to your self, logically and intellectually, you are present. You are in the moment you are in, which conserves energies. Over and above, the drive behind these talks will register suggestions. The repetition shall make it an obsession. The emotional drive, as and when it can be generated, shall register this deep. I am sure this will work. I have decided to jot down my experience of such face-to-face talks and formulate an easy to follow PRACTICE based on my experience of this practice.

Inshah Allah