Change
04/09/2005 04:18 p.m.
It's decided. He and I will break up. It's painful. It's pain like I've never known, even though I'm the one breaking up with him.

I just need to know that I can take care of myself. I've always been dependent on someone else and I didn't want to commit and become dependent for the rest of my life.

My mind dances with the idea of decorating my own little apartment, coming home to my cat, hearing her trill. I will shape my surroundings with love. I will surround myself with inspiration. Hang up SARK cards everywhere. Make the closet into a meditation space. Get a simple desk and discilpine myself to sit and write - often!

For I will be officially out of graduate school. I will have my MFA. I will be working somewhere in the real world so I will have to really make myself take time out for ME.

I am scared of the loneliness. I am scared of the emptiness.

But I've felt worse before. Last week I came an inch close to killing myself. I lived through that. I can live through this.

"Oh look! The barn's burnt down. Now I can see the moon."

I am currently Proud
I am listening to my breathing