WHY
04/06/2005 07:56 a.m.
Your fucking blogs Barbara.... fuck. Welly's, Dover's, I love you guys, let's get that straight off the bat. Love you guys and love hanging with you, just so you ALL know that, and I'm not irritated with you, it's just this. All this. It makes them feel like you couldn't just hang out with them on prom night and be happy. you'd rather be alone with llowyn than be with just us... and when worse comes to worse, like now.... I mean, they read this. They can see. They can tell. And you let them, your friends, see this, and thats ok. This is somehow ok. And then with Jord... God you have no idea of what the past five years has done to her and... AND THIS IS ALL OK? HOW IS IT OK? She's tired. Of all of this... how can you not be exhausted? I'm so tired barbara, and we love you so much but God it just gets to that point. that point where you're so frustrated you dont give a fuck what you say or who it cuts. and frustrated or not, when your mood passes, we're still cut.
But Jord... I almost wish there was a way you could somehow look in a magic mirror and watch the past 5 years of her life and really see it. I dont know if you could get it. FUCK it makes me so angry I could scream or hit something or slap someone! And its ok because you have a new safety net...

I dont know what this is about. you could ask but i'm not sure. Jord. Maybe its about that, and how i've watched it all this time, from brennen on. Maybe it's about Llowyn. Maybe it's about that new found liberty that comes with new found moral standing. Maybe it's all the layers and maybe I'm just tired of peeling them back. Maybe in the morning I wont give a shit. I just.... that fucking blog. I dont know. Dont delete it. Don't erase that part of you for anyone. It's there whether we all like it or not. thats whats becoming clear. fuck, all over proms and fucking keychains. What the hell are we all fighting for? Why is this worth all those words? I'm crying without anyt tears and its really phenomenal. I'm just so sick of all of it. Not you. I'm not sick of you or mad at you so much as i'm sick and mad at this whole fucking shit with the cliques and what feels like replacement and rejection and favouritism and seeing everyone get shot in the process. i'm done with being shot. I dont know what I am in this situation. I do know that she read your fucking blog. She read it and somehow its ok, and I'm confused.
I am currently Detached