Billie Jo
04/04/2005 09:26 a.m.
Is it because your birthday is coming that I am thinking of you now? No more likely I just miss you so much. I miss all of it, the phone conversations, the analytical way we both had of looking at everything; the fact that I could pick up a phone from miles away and connect with you in a way I can't find with any other human being I know.
I wonder sometimes where exactly you are, not physically, but spiritually. I know you are still around sometimes, I can still hear you. Did you hear me the time I picked the phone up and dialed your number, I forgot you had left for good. Out of habit I dialed you and did not realise no one was there to pick up until the phone rang. Remember when we used to joke about old ladies out for coffee and how that would be us someday? Never knowing at the time we would never have our chance to be what they were, I never once thought the memory would come in this way. Did you? I wonder sometimes is that why you drove so fast all the time, took all those crazy chances, and lived for yourself hungrily eating every last moment? Did you know? Somewhere deep inside did you know that only you would be your own undoing and not something else? If you did I wish you would have told me, I would have made more of the little bit there was. Knowing you though you would not have wanted me too. I wonder still can you read this? Can you see the words printed in my heart? Do you know how much I still need you here? I guess we all do. I think back to you telling me, "If I don't have kids before I am 30 I never will," you died when you were 30. How did you know? I wonder when will you answer my questions, you always did before and I am sure you will someday. You may have died but our friendship never will...
I am currently Sad
I am listening to fish tank filters