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The Journal of Kalikala Smith okay so i'm supposed to be sleeping
03/07/2005 04:11 a.m.
This is just something that I've been thinking about...
God never leaves us. He's closer to us in your time of need that we'll ever know. I love it when people say, "Just smile. Be strong. You'll get through it." Well, what exactly are we supposed to do until the getting through happens? There's only so much grit and bear that we can do. Imagine the people that don't even know there's God to seek? Imagine how they must feel when times get tough. How can they smile? What kind of assurance do they have that life will turn around for the better? Where do they get their inspiration, their serenity, their love? God built this world on love with love for love. To deny God is to deny love. Love is always here with us. Always. Just smile. Be strong. You'll get through it. I don't want to get through it. I want to live, to learn, to grow, to breathe, to cry, to scream, to be human. I want to love and be loved and create love! Life is not something to "get through." Its a double-edged sword of love and madness. God gave me depression, the weird ability to faint randomly, a screwed up father, an over-bearing stepfather, a messed up childhood. God also gave me love. My parents, as screwed up as they are, love me. My brother loves me. My family loves me. My friends love me. My boyfriend loves me. I think of what I have and I know that even though my life is so strange and confusing and crazy and hectic... I have something greater and bigger and more wonderful than any of those problems. I have huge run-on sentences, and LOVE!! Call me a hippie... call me crazy... call me anything you want to. I'm not the happiest person on earth. I'm not the most put together. I'm certainly not the most intelligent. But I have the greatest love, and with that, I can throw all my problems and ailments out the window, or door, or plane, or satilite. Okay, I'm starting to fade in the clarity department. I'm going to bed now.
with love,
-crystal-
I am currently Loved
I am listening to the mass pike
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