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12/15/2004 01:56 a.m.
I want to wretch out my insides everytime we misunderstand eachother and don't know what to say or whether there's anything to be said. I need to be held in the sense that I feel as if right now I need arms to support me emotionally. Right now, I can't support myself under the crush. I feel like I'm 12 and gawky and graceless and ugly and wrong. I don't know who's fault anything is, and I don't wanna blame so I blame the seasons and the cold outside.

More than anything else, I'm deathly afraid of being forgotten again. Talking to Geordie, he let me know how many things I used to do that bothered him so much he couldn't stand me sometimes, and I cried when I hung up the phone. I loved him, and I had no idea he ever felt that. and I loved him.... oh god. He told me he's forgotten how or why he ever loved me. He's not trying to be mean. It was never his intent either. But not only how he ever loved me, but why. He can't see why he ever loved me and oh god, if theres anything that's terrified me it's the thought that "what is he forgets why he loves me? What if he starts to love me out of habit? Like Geordie?" Oh God, to be forgotten again... How can someone forget when they're in love?
I am currently Depressed