this is not how i feel. this is how it is.
12/13/2004 03:46 a.m.

he does not lay sprawled out on the floor like i envisioned him to be. instead he curls like a question mark, dangling from my every word. i am one giant uncertainty. and he knows it. he speaks to me as if i have heard it all before, although he thinks i have not. i have not been in love, i tell him, because it is what he wants to hear. i do not believe in it, kind of like i don't believe in breathing or god. and deep down, he is spiteful for that, though he'd never, ever admit it. everything i need to say to him would be like chewing tar to stay alive. and god, i am dying of hunger. the main problem is not the lack of daily bread, he says, (we have enough of that) the problem is getting it down without choking.

it's killing me. he's right.


I am currently Scattered
I am listening to ...