Raisin Boy and Stress
11/03/2004 06:38 a.m.
That boy, Carson. What an example of what money can do to a person. I think he may just be the most pretentious person I have ever met, and with the people I meet, that's saying alot. Kathleen, Becca, for putting up with him and not becoming that yourselves, I'm thoroughly impressed. He's the perfect example of an ignorant child and a compassionless narcissist fused into one socially fashionable package, complete with social circle and GQ pose to boot. I wonder how many cuts at family income he could make at me in a minute. I wonder what he considers me as. Ha. And the sad thing is that underneath there's this tiny shrivelled raisin of a man that should be occupying the space between his ears and instead has been shifted on the priority list and now takes up residence in his appendix or tailbone or something. And you can tell that that little atrophied man could have grown up into less of a mongrel than the resultant wise cracking shell. Except Carson put that man in his ass-bone. Great for you buddy. Your human capacity to feel for individuals other than yourself is now the equivalent of a single dehydrated grape, and the best you can do to remedy the situation is laugh at the mentally handicapped kids.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

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Life and this void has sucked me down into a mass churning with engery waiting to rush outside into the cold air and scream and beg for a christmas that offers 2 weeks of nothingness to remedy this ache. I am writing for the soul purpose of allowing my thoughts to breathe, or more liklely, wedging space between them like nails into blocks of concrete, making roon where really, there is none. All I want is to relax and not have to be anywhere. All I want is to not have to stare at a pile of books in the evening, to not have to actually physically carry the weigh of it all on my shoulders like a metaphor gone wrong. I want to be close to him, because it makes me feel easy and safe, like he can scare away the days stresses. All I want is to have Jen here again. All I want is to do well... to not be a failure... to not be a waste.

ha, like Carson's raisin.


I am currently Overwhelmed