I hate being fat
10/09/2004 11:04 p.m.
I had school today. Pretty uneventful except for a test (which my prof calls an "in-class exercise") that I am half sure about. I was on-call all this week and so far not a single phone call *crosses fingers* I only have one more day to go.

Not feeling very good about myself today. I think it's time for another attempt at losing weight. Back to using the treadmill every day and eating a little bit better. It works on making me feel better for awhile, then I just get back to this yuck feeling that I have been having recently. I think this started when I was laying in bed with Alan and saw my thigh in the mirror... I was disgusted and decided at that point that I need to change something about myself. I know Alan will love me no matter what, but I think I need to change for me... I don't care if I lose only 10 pounds..I just need to do something. Plus it would absolutely kill me if at some point my weight did become a problem for Alan. I know he used to be heavy and he lost tons of weight... I just don't want to be an embarrassment to him....I can't do that to him...

Blah... oh well... time to go and do something. Probably exercise and think about my sweetie who I love so much... and miss like crazy
I am currently Gross
I am listening to Music