Realizing the realization: 20thsep, 2004.
09/21/2004 02:11 a.m.






I am disjointed. Almost powerless.
Lethargic, my body seem to totally disconnect from the rushing thoughts I some how see but fail to STOP despite directing one thought towards this disconnection. The body doesn’t stir.
I start justifying the lethargy.
I ought to relax. My body needs rest. My mind needs sleep, mentally I repeat in my justification.
But can I justify my not retiring to my bed a bit early?
Can I justify my not trying to save this wastages and the leakage of precious energies, knowingly?
Some times you SEE but don’t realize. Some time you SEE and REALIZE but fail to ACT.
The other day I saw that woman looking at me so eagerly awaiting my comment on her physical change she thought I would mark and comment but despite seeing and realizing and reading her thoughts I totally ignored her and her thoughts. I realized this realization today. Hahahaha
Like wise I saw and realized this disconnection but then I simply failed to recognize the realization. And when I did, I did wake up and wrote what I am typing now. We need to realize the realization too. Hahahah

The more you are resolved to jump from ACTION TO ACTION, more you realize that you are jumping from THOUGHT TO THOUGHT. The more you try to hold your attention intact, from pole to pole, more you realize that you are distracted. The more you try to UNDO what tends to be happening in the natural course, guided by the LAW OF ACCIDENT, more you realize how difficult it is to UNDO and that UNDOING alone can tantamount to DOING. The more the intensity of this realization is, more you are aware, Aware of your unhappiness. the more you realize the terror of the situation, more you realize that you are NOT.
Let’s rejoice in this unhappiness. Let’s derive solace from this unhappiness so much associated with your realizations. The more you realize this unhappiness, more you are happy.
There’s no going back. It’s always difficult to go back to a dream you have just walked out.



I am currently Reflective