From sub-A to sub-A.: 12th Sep, 2004.
09/12/2004 02:53 p.m.


It’s four and I am wondering. I cross check the time. Three watches and all showing four. When did I register this suggestion? On the contrary I remember suggesting myself to continue getting up at five for few more days and then gradually start getting up earlier. I remember worrying about the lack of sleep in the wake of my bad quality of concentration, distracted and tiring routine day of mental activity and my crowd situations. I also remember telling a friend about my decision to gradually fall back to my old routine of getting up at 3.30/4. I remember saying gradually and its here I am awake at four.
I must have killed ten minutes wondering and worrying and trying to go back to sleep (how can one try sleeping? One can try waking up since sleep is leaving all mental activities?) And then finally I conclude that it’s utter nonsense to try and sleep. Its also utter nonsensical thought to think that I can’t do this or that and that I am used to this and that since this is what confines and binds us to those suggestions. Why can’t I sleep as and when I want to? Why can’t I remain awake as and when I want to? Why can’t I decide depending on a situation and the need rather than deep rooted suggestions I keep on reinforcing time and again by repeating the very suggestion which I ought to counter and counter time and again.

I decide to make some tea then decide this to be an utter nonsensical thing. I decide to go to my study but then logically decide not to since this might wake up Mowgli and once he wakes up he might need all the attention. Finally I decide to come here and do some typing.
And despite my tiredness I am typing and shall continue to from sub-A to sub-A. hahaahah





I am currently Reflective